By Seyi Igunsabi.

Spousal abuse is becoming so rampant among couples these days and if not checked would continue to be cancerous to a robust and healthy marital union anywhere.

Just like a great teacher once said- “When the purpose of a thing or a person is not respected it inevitably leads to the abuse of that thing or person.”

The coming together of two persons in holy matrimony has multiple purposes attached to it. But unfortunately, many couples don’t even take cognizance of these spousal life purposes, hence the emergence of many spousal cases of abuse everywhere and in many homes.

In fact, some couples tend to abuse each other ignorantly, that is why I have taken the time to highlight some of the common traits of spousal abuse. However, they are not limited to these.

1. Leaving your home for more than twenty-four hours without any recourse to your spouse as touching your whereabouts, notwithstanding the reason for such is an unfriendly step.

2. Praying aloud or raising the volume of your media device or gadget while your spouse is trying to get some rest in the same room is spousal abuse. An ideal couple would respect their relaxation because rest is good and essential to general well-being.

3. Taking your spouse’s cash or using his or her credit card without his or her consent is a fraudulent act that culminate in a breach of spousal trust.

4. Not keeping in touch with your spouse’s extended family members, especially your parent’s in-law over a long period, say three months or even more. It is only befitting to check on each other’s parents and family members from time to time.

5. Taking and executing vital decisions that bother on your family without any recourse to your partner’s input or opinion.

6. Discussing your spouse’s excesses and misdeeds with third parties like intimate (non-intimate) friends, neighbors, and even your relations is unwholesome.

7. Starving your spouse intentionally of sex and the accompanying pleasures for perhaps several weeks or months is nothing but spousal abuse.

8. Correcting your spouse in the presence of the children especially chiding him or her with high tone in the process.

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9. Going to your spouse’s place of work or business environment to fight him or her because you want to disgrace your spouse is not honorable. I have seen a few people do this. It reveals their ignorance of the attitudes that make the marriage work.

10. Treating your spouse like a dummy or as some non-existent personality in the home by not reasoning with him or her; rather choosing to discuss important issues of the family and general life with your extended family members and friends.

11. Your spouse getting information about your family’s next moves or plans from outsiders after you have had some relaxed time talking about such with them (outsiders).

12. Bullying your spouse physically and verbally at the slightest provocation or misunderstanding marital violence and abuse.

13. Showing respect and care for opposite sex who is perhaps a neighbour, a colleague or a friend more than you do to your spouse.

14. Another one is suspiciously keeping a tap on your spouse’s electronic and communication devices especially his or her phones and social media interactions.

15. Walking out on your spouse STERNLY whenever you have strife and misunderstandings is an abuse of the person of your spouse.

16. Jumping into conclusions about your spouse’s actions or discussions as related by a third party BEFORE hearing from your spouse on the matter.

17. Colluding with someone may be a mechanic, house janitor or your spouse’s close ally to swindle him or her.

18. Not being careful to do little things for your spouse when it matters most. For instance, like a show of gratitude for spousal benevolent deeds, rendering apology when required, helping out (as a male) with house chores as occasion demands etc.

19. Showing a preference for your extended family members than those of your spouse’s without any reservation about it.

20. Being mindful of only your own physical needs, interests and accomplishments to the detriment of your spouse.

Thank you.

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BROWSE ALSO, “Marriage is perhaps 1% sex; the rest is…” – Dr Myles Munroe.

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