Incidents of crashed marriages have almost become a phenomenon in our days. Yet this was not God’s intention for this most sacred and deepest union on earth. Reasons for crashed marriages seem not to be far-fetched because many couples enter marriage with defective marital behaviors and mindsets.

The marriage covenant is too involving for anyone to approach casually or operate by guestimating. Suffice to say marriage being a lifelong relationship requires concerted efforts to make most of it and enjoy the blessings inherent in it.

Let’s examine some of the common reasons for most crashed marriages, and why they end in a deadlock before they eventually crash.

1. Union with a wrong partner.

Marriage is a union that takes two to tango. A Prophet also pointed out in the bible that: “Two can not walk (relate and be together for life) without being agreed. So it is not enough to marry just any partner of your choice, rather you ought to marry someone that would make the union work and flourish.

Being joined to a wrong partner in a lifetime journey like this has been one of the reasons for many crashed marriages these days.

2. Ignoring the God factor.

A lot of people get married without recourse to God’s direction and principles of marriage as He intended for mankind from the beginning. Marriage is not a type of relationship you walk into as if you want to shop in a supermarket; no, not at all, this union is much more involving than a spree shopping.

God is the author of marriage and the best Matchmaker in terms of relationships that culminate in marriage. So to try to leave Him out of the equation of marriage will indeed compound things and birth regrets.

It is His idea and as such you can not settle for a better guide than Him.

3. A Mindset to outdo one’s partner.

A lot of couples, both young and old, really abuse marriage in many ways. Imagine that some enter this all-involving union with a mindset to prove to their spouse that they are better and smarter in the marriage.

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From the foregoing, it is obvious that individuals that go into marriage with this kind of mentality are either sufficiently ignorant about the marriage concept, naturally mischievous or got married for status’ sake but they don’t plan to stay married happily and peacefully.

Marriage is not a competition but a journey in which partners travel along as a team that wins and loses together. This kind of approach to marriage is always inimical to marital success and stability in all senses of it.

4. Third Party Activities.

From all intent and purpose of God for marriage, it is at best a union of two, primarily. That was why the Originator made it clear that in-

Genesis 2:24
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Marriage is a union that thrives when the two parties take full responsibility for what goes on in their marital relationship. More often than not, a third-party intrusion is detrimental to marital unions because they have an underlying vested interest in the marriage.

Couples who don’t set clear boundaries around their marriage and home end up as easy victims of third-party activities which cause crashed (failed) marriages and broken homes. Never toy with the gates and walls around your marriage or family life. That was what brought mankind to where we are today.

5. Promoting selfish interest instead of mutual welfare.

It’s a popular slogan common with me in most of my marriage seminars: “Those who are selfish should not get married because they cannot stay married.”

Showing obvious tendencies of selfishness or indulging in self-serving practices in a marital relationship usually leads to dire consequences. Marriage is a force that should naturally abolish self. Why? Because two have become one, ‘self’ no longer exists in the atmosphere of marriage. And until this happens, no marriage can thrive or prosper in the long run; even in the short run.

Selfishness has turned what should have been termed great couples into sworn marital enemies, besides the crashing of many beautiful homes that could have been.

6. Absence of future goals and lifelong visions.

Some couples have broken up and gone their separate ways because, in the first place, they do not have anything tangible to live for and pursue together into the future. Hence the future always looks bleak and uncertain each time it comes to mind, while the present is full of frustrations and resentments.

Without concrete visions and precise life goals guiding a marital relationship, continuity is often under serious threat. Couples must have life goals and visions that drive them and keep them focused together for as long as their marriage covenant subsists.

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7. Incessant conflicts and overwhelming offenses.

This is perhaps one of the commonest, if not the commonest in the list. When a union as marriage is characterized by regular conflicts and annoyances it breeds a couple’s hatred, resentments, bitterness, and selfishness. All these emotional occurrences are a good recipe for broken homes and crashed marriages.

Marriage is the last place where conflicts should abound because both partners wake up to see and relate with each other daily. Now when conflicts are unresolved and persist, it could be very disturbing and tiring to be around a conflict-prone person. This is why many end up calling the union to quit.

8. Marital infidelity and unfaithfulness.

Extramarital affairs is another common factor for crashed marriages and conjugal deadlocks in our days. It reveals breach of trust in a marital relationship which makes couples act with suspicion and resentments towards each other.

Although statistics show that men cheat more than women in marriage, yet it accounts for significant percentage of divorces and marital separation. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), infidelity in the United States accounted for 20-40 percent of divorces.

9. Insufficient endurance and intolerance towards one’s partner.

An attitude of intolerance can not survive any marriage, rather the marriage will always survive it.
Any marriage where intolerance is given a chance will be short-lived and seriously troubled.
Tolerance is sacrosanct in every progressive marriage. You are two different individuals from different backgrounds, upbringings and with diverse temperaments.

Intolerance is one of the reasons for most marital conflicts. Its persistence between a husband and wife is the reason for marital frustrations and eventually, failure.

So tolerance must be common in your marriage to get the best of it and avoid a crash or deadlock. Tolerance: is forbearance. Bearing with your spouse in terms of his or her imperfections or weaknesses, not sinfulness.
Tolerance is showing understanding. Intolerance accounts for a good percentage of the reasons for crashed marriages in contemporary days.

10. Having an unschooled mind about marriage as God intended, its significance, and implications.

This ranges from the spirituality of the couple, financial dealings, extended family members’ issues, raising children the right way, and sexual intimacy problems to roles played by third parties.

God has stated in His Word, the parameters for handling these various issues that surround marriage and family life. But unfortunately, many couples prefer to run it in their own self-serving ways and this has caused a lot of cracks in the wall that is virtually beyond repair.

Be wise, your marriage can be void of cracks and anomalies that could threaten its sustainability and success, if we count on the grace of God to prevent these negative tendencies.

Seyi Igunsabi-Perez
(Family Life Practitioner, Relationship Manager, Marriage Counsellor & Seminar Facilitator)

☎️ 0701 020 0027, 0803 308 1837
📩 seyiigun4christ@gmail.com
magism@marriageasGodintended.com
Instagram @pstseyiperez
Twitter @pstseyiperez

©️ MAGI.

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