Without contention, relationships are the custodians of most of our life’s fortunes and good breaks. Relationships, whether general or sensual, can connect or disconnect one from destiny, making platforms-cum-friendships. That is why any good thing a man will ever possess or become is usually dependent on the relationships he has and maintains objectively.

Having a relationship is one thing; maintaining it is another. However, we must watch carefully the kind of relationship we try to sustain and commit ourselves to, especially one that would lead to marriage. There are relationships that should not be upheld owing to certain pitfalls that obviously characterize them. In some cases, people in relationships with the intention of getting married to their partner see these pitfalls but ignore them for one reason or another. Then, in the middle of the ocean of marriage, they suddenly realize their negligence is costing them more than they are willing to pay or can bear.

 

Healthy and successful relationships are never built on feelings, but on purpose and knowledge. This is bankable.

Whereas a sincere appraisal of such a relationship that could lead to marriage, a lifetime affair, could have saved them from the dilemma.

SOS 2:15

(My heart was touched and I fervently sang to him my desire) Take for us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards(of our love), for our vineyards are in blossom.  (Amplified)

Now let’s look at some of these little foxes that spoil relationships even among Christians and Spirit-filled children of God.

1. Assumption of Personality

The assumptions held about personalities in a relationship by the persons involved are often very costly and misleading. When it comes to the issue of relationships, particularly marital ones, as spiritual and focused people, we must be careful not to assume someone is good enough to earn a lifelong relationship with us before we know what they represent or what core values they uphold.

ALSO READ, Ladies: How To Make Your Husband A Superman.

Assuming that you know something or that somebody can cost you precious things in life. It has cost some people their lives and others great fortunes.

What you don’t know you don’t know. I remember one of my counselling sessions, I told a seriously troubled married young woman that- “Finding the right choice of divine partner is not a big deal but it’s also a big deal.” It’s a big deal when you are not equipped with the knowledge required to handle such an issue.

So, what you don’t know, you don’t know. Similarly, whom you don’t know, you don’t know. Never assume you know somebody well enough to the point of starting a serious relationship with them. A sister, a brother, or a friend may just be good enough to be a fellow worker in your local church, a reading mate in the class, or just a project partner, but they may never qualify for a lifetime relationship.

Someone may be thinking, so how would I know a person I  don’t relate with? Yes, of course, it’s difficult to know someone you are not relating with. But the point is, you can know people by relating with them without necessarily having a sensual (suggestive) relationship with them. That is, a knowing that is void of marriage intentions, done on a neutral ground. It’s one of the best ways to avoid assumption pitfall.

2. Emotional Entanglement.

Never let your feelings alone dictate or determine your relationship effectiveness if you don’t want to be caught in a relationship pitfall. Many have become victims of this pitfall today due to the fact that they put their feelings before their reasoning. I speak from my experience of counselling over the years.

Healthy and successful relationships are never built on feelings but on purpose and knowledge. This is bankable. Rather, they are more driven by knowledge and an understanding heart than feelings are. A sister (a church worker) once confessed how she slept with a colleague on the night of his birthday, yet they were never engaged. She just had feelings for the ‘birthday boy’; hence, she lost her dignity to the rulership of her feelings.

Holding hands, going to the cinema together, giving gifts, and other related sensual activities must never be your motivation in a relationship; otherwise, you will regret it either in the short run or in the long run. To avoid being a victim of a sentimental relationship trap, you must ensure that you put reason before feelings.

3. Negligence Towards Major Character Deficiencies.

In any relationship, character is the foundational stone that determines its success or failure. Also, it is very important to note that the depth and strength of a relationship are majorly a function of the character of the parties involved rather than anything else.

If you are someone who cherishes peace in your future marital relationship, then never ignore the issue of major character deficiencies in a prospect. It’s always regrettable. Major character deficiencies are clear red flags, indicating the high risk attached to continuing in that relationship.

Some of them are lying, living immorally, leading inconsistent lifestyles, engaging in drunkenness, displaying fierce anger, practicing deliberate stinginess, gossiping, stealing, committing violent attacks, shunning partners at will, using insulting language, and hiding vital information from one’s prospects, etc., all of which expose anyone to traps in marital relationships. These are dangerous zones that are ‘no-go areas.’

The word ‘God’ in Proverbs 22:3 says that a wise man sees danger and hides. Therefore, let’s apply wisdom and caution where necessary so that we can realize the marriage of our dreams.

I will conclude this very important discussion in another write-up, the sequel to this.

 

©️ Seyi Igunsabi for MAGI

SEE ALSO, 15 GUYS & LADIES YOU MUST NEVER SAY “YES I DO” TO.

READ TOO, 7 DANGEROUS SIGNALS FOR QUITTING A COURTSHIP.