“Mzarriage is perhaps 1% sex; the rest is ordinary every day life.” – Dr. Myles Munroe.

This statement is credited to the Late Dr Myles Munroe of Blessed memory.

He made this statement in one of the books he wrote on marriage in 2002 before he and his wife, Ruth Muroe went to be with the Lord late 2014.

Just like majority who read this caption, I was also taken aback when i first saw it. But after some meditations, I came to agree with him hundred percent.

MY SUBMISSION TO BUTTRESS HIS THOUGHT ON THE OVERRATED ROLE OF SEX IN MARRIAGE:

Firstly, sex itself is an activity, an emotional and chemical one. I hope you agree with this?
Some years back, I read about a research (and from experience) that a good normal sex should last for an average of 13-15mins (sexual activity plus major foreplay). Having in mind that some sex time last for only 5-7mins (with no prejudice to quick ejaculators).

Notwithstanding, now, let’s assume that all couples have an average 20mins sexual activity thrice per week, which is the ideal rate of sexual activity of majority of couples, definitely not all.
This is according to sex therapists.
That translates to just 1hr of sexual activity in a whole week of 168hrs (10,080mins). And that is not even up to 1%.
Even if we take it to 30mins of sex thrice a week. It is still less than 1% in statistics.
The point is: sex as an activity is actually so minute to the marital union actively. But intrinsically powerful in nature.

What leads to sex (in terms of marriage, intimacy and cordiality between the couple) and what comes out of it like children bearing, maintenance of the home, communication in marriage, parenting, conflict resolutions, marital attitudes, other emotional responsibilities (especially from the man towards his wife), work hours of the couple, in-law issues etc., certainly accounts for the rest 99%. I believe that is what he, Dr Myles Munroe referred to as ‘Everyday Life’. So his submission that ‘Marriage is averagely 1% sex’ makes a lot of sense than many couples are aware of.

This goes to show that there are so many truths about marriage living with us that we have never encountered before. May God have mercy on us. As such, singles can not afford to marry for sex, because even though sex is only for marriage, marriage is not about sex predominantly.

When I first posted this caption on my marriage group page, somebody said that – “Many homes have scattered because of sex and also that, what keeps marriage is not money but sex.”
I did respond to her that- that was not correct.”
Sex and money do not keep marriages and will never keep any home/couple together.

For instance, there are millions of couples who have great wealth but they still find it very difficult to stay married. Of course, you cannot dispute this.
And there are others who can get sex just anyhow and anytime they want it; there wives adore them and will never think of parking out of the matrimonial home because her husband goes after whores- for the fear of losing her lover finally to strange ladies. In this case, they are married but they do not have a marriage.

The point I just made depends on if we all understand what we call marriage intrinsically?
Even some wives give their husbands more than enough sex yet they (husbands) still commit adultery. I speak of what I know of as a counsellor.
Now, is that marriage?

What sex and money do to a marriage is that they help married people bear up with their responsibilities to the union which contribute to marital health eventually. But they are not potent enough in themselves to sustain a marriage all alone.

The things that establish marriages are more of attitudinal, spiritual (i.e. understanding), mental and psychologically inclined, than money and sex.

Dr. Myles Munroe of blessed memory is a man of great insight. By saying SEX in marriage is perhaps ” 1%” must have come through with this observation having seen many youths getting all wrapped up with the euphoria of SEX as being the major stimulating factor for getting married and enjoying marriage. Yet, a lot of other factors come into play in this regard.

Sex is good BUT after SEX what’s next?
The crux of his spousal view on sex is that we should see marriage as an institution where WE grow to be a “value adding individual”, where our spouse look at US and they bless the day they met US.

©️ Seyi Igunsabi for MAGI.

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