This article’s aim is to encourage and enlighten those who are heavily discouraged as a result of their bitter experiences in marriage. Also, to give succour and direction to singles who are battling with very disturbing frustrations in relationships.

It’s important to understand that your life as an individual is more than your marriage or relationship.
So you must be careful how you allow frustration to get at you either you are single or married. I have counselled a few ladies who told me they would rather die than continue with their spouse and marriage. Listen to me, you don’t have to kill yourself because your marriage is not working or producing the result you had looked forward to.

Similarly, I have had encountered some singles who thought if a particular relationship they found themselves in does not work out, their lives and hopes will be out. Following this, they still went ahead with the relationship and peaked in it. At the end of the day, the unfortunate ones lost their lives prematurely in the union. In the same vein, there are single folks who chose to forfeit their life dreams rather than quit a horrible relationship that they knew will not enhance their destiny. To them, they have put so much, especially emotions, into the relationship than to let go.

It’s unfortunate how people try to kill or hurt themselves just because a relationship they’ve hoped so much about suddenly begins to go sour.

This brings to mind the very sad incident of the popular Lekki couple story in Lagos, Nigeria. Owing to the issue of distrust, the fiancé stabbed the wife in the head and eye to death and eventually took his own life too?
This is a barbaric thing to do when it comes to dealing with frustrations in love relationships. No relationship must be entered into with ‘a do or die’ mentality. No, not at, all.

The truth is: there is virtually no relationship that appears so bad that can not become so good; always it still depends on the individuals involved. I know couples who have crossed from ‘so bad’ to ‘so good’ in their marital journey.
What if they had done the worst things to each other when the relationship seems not to be working for them initially?

The idea of Marriage is not bad in itself, it is just that ignorant people get married and paint it black. Believe me, there is no marriage that should not work because God would not design a thing to fail. Individuals are always the critical factor for a successful or a failed marriage.

If there is one thing that poses to be one of the greatest challenges of life to people in this present age – it is the issue of marriage. Among other things, it bothers on making the right choice and staying married happily.

There is so much power and possibilities in the marriage union by God’s design that the devil cannot stand it, that is why he attacks marriages and families like no other thing. Eccl. 4:9. However, those who have been Redeemed by faith and grace of the Lord Jesus, have what it takes to escape all the frustrations and limitations the enemy try to inflict couples with these days.
You can have a marriage free of headaches and fear if you believe in God’s plan for the marriage institution as contained in His word. But you must be prepared to work it out by acquiring the relevant knowledge. Nothing good just happens.

Marriage is a process and not a finished product. So be prepared to give it time and engage positive efforts to maximize your marital relationship. And if you are unmarried and your relationship keeps widening the gap between you and your perceived dream or destiny why continue with it?

If you don’t want to Kill yourself over any marriage affair, see to the following.

1. Pursue peace in your marriage or relationship by all reasonable and good means.
The greatest favour you can do yourself as a married person is not building a mansion for your family, it’s not buying a 2020 Range Rover for your wife or flying a private jet, neither is it even taking your family to Dubai or Hawaii on vacation every year. All these are good and should be desired, but listen to me, the greatest Favour you owe yourself as a married person is to ensure much peace, overflowing peace saturates your home and marriage. If this is done, friends— you’re in a safe zone.

Hear this: wherever there is peace, you will find progress, prosperity, success, joy and good accomplishments. Peace never walks alone, just like a President or a very top national official never walks alone. But when peace is out of its place, success, progress and good achievements become a nightmare. What it’ll cost you to maintain peace in your marriage and home can not be compared with what you stand to lose if peace is found wanting. Wealth, fame and position without peace are useless.
As a single, any relationship that threatens your peace and erodes your confidence is not worthy of continuity nor should it lead to marriage.

Peace is the greatest asset in any sound and robust marital union. You cannot afford to trade it for anything. This peace thing is of utmost importance and foundational to ALL fulfilling marital relationships.
Some people have physically taken their spouse’s life in cold blood out of a torn and troubled heart their marriage caused them. If you are unmarried, don’t stay in a relationship that threatens your peace. And if you are already in a troubled marriage, go for counselling and do all that is possible to get peace in your home.

2. A Marriage union or relationship should be able to give you what I call -leverage.

Leverage means basic support or a platform for achieving a goal(s). In a sport called high jump, that wooden platform that the jumper steps on to gain momentum before landing is called leverage.
This is what marriage is supposed to do to all who go into it, it should provide leverage-companionship, friendship, synergy, support. But if you are unmarried and your partner does not believe in you and your dreams;
if he or she is threatened by your aspirations and positive passion, that is a red. You may want to consider walking away humbly. I am counselling in truth and love.

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Unfortunately, some of them do not show it in the first six months to one year into the relationship but when it begins to happen, you must seek counsel or humbly quit if you do not want to exchange your destiny and fulfilment in life for a sucking relationship.
That is the mess some married people are battling with now. Be warned!
Please note, marriage is not a thing you pack up like your dirty bedsheets. Marriage is a lifetime venture.
That is why you must consider it before you say ‘Yes I do’.

Like somebody said: “many married people say- “Yes I do” without knowing what they will be doing.”
That is the beginning of the frustrations majority experience in marriage. I advise you, to marry a person that will help you to advance your life goals and dreams. Go for a destiny facilitator, not just a benefactor.

3. Know how to deal with the absence of trust in your relationship or marriage.

The height of frustration for some married people and singles in relationships is the absence of trust between them and their partners. Note that If you are married, you can not divorce your partner on this ground, rather you have to trust God to help you through it while you seek proper counseling and prayers.

Don’t kill yourself by complaining and confronting your erring or untruthful spouse. Take things easy.
With counselling, you should begin to act differently as a more knowledgeable spouse who now understands the place of trust in marriage.
Learn to trust God to give you the grace needed to live and relate with your spouse as a trustworthy person even if he or she does not reciprocate it.
Moreover, I advise you get a marriage counsellor to coach you periodically on how to relate with your spouse and win him or her owing to your discoveries about handling a cheating or untrustworthy partner.

4. Third party intrusion is another cause of high-level marital frustrations.
This has cost many their precious homes and marriages, and even a desire to raise good families.
In this case, minimize discussions with third parties that have to do with your marital crisis as much as possible.
From my counselling experience, third party intrusion, either relations or concerned friends, can be sucking if not handled correctly.

Many have wandered away from the path of a blissful and fulfilling marital experience owing to this.
As a couple try to resolve issues between yourselves by all means through humility and love.
Keep family and friends out of your unique family troubles.
Everyone has theirs. It’s not a thing to be ashamed of. At best seek a mature marriage counselor and make up your mind to follow the objective counsel given to you.
The Bible says “in the multitude of counselors there is safety. “
That is a counselor who has the right counsel to give you that will bring safety and minimizes your marital frustrations and conflicts.
Lastly, whatever challenges that may be confronting you in your marriage or relationship, I want to encourage you not to allow them to tear you apart.
Getting relevant knowledge and the right counsel coupled with a life of obedience to the principles of marriage as God intended will give you succor and the right direction you need. The result is usually a peaceful and progressive union-cum-relationship.

Marriage is good, if you are good and you help your partner to also act right by showing much understanding, trust me, your marriage will make life good for both of you and the family at large.

© MAGI

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