One thing that is causing cracks in most marital relationships and distorting God’s plan for a blissful marriage in today’s world is that people are getting married without the intention to uphold the right values in marriage. Virtually all systems rise and fall based on the values upheld or downplayed. That is what is referred to as the Code of Conduct. A lot of marriages are failing and falling apart because of the poor and incorrect values couples try to build on. Hence, I admonish singles to be wary of marrying anyone who doesn’t have the right values, especially as it relates to marriage and raising a good family.
“The truth is if you know the substantive values an individual upholds you can also predict them and their behaviours.”
Our values (proper behaviors and dispositions), more often than not, determine our real values (actual worth) in life and marriage. Whether we believe it or not, most of our actions, inactions, reactions, and attitudes are offspring of our dominant values. It is often safe to go into marriage with men and women who have a proven track record of good moral, spiritual, and cultural values, among other things. Fundamentally, people are made and molded by their values. And like Jesus said in Luke 6:43 & 44.
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“For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit.
“For every tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they gather grapes from a bramble bush.”
Our values will always give us away for who we really are, no matter how we try to put up a façade. Because you can not give what you don’t have.
The truth is, if you know the substantive values an individual upholds, you can also predict their behaviors. Our values shape our life patterns. I want to strictly advise intending couples, in particular, not to marry anyone who downplays the issue of values, especially concerning love, respect, honesty, and relationship with God. Furthermore, values entail showing respect and giving honor to our spouses and well-meaning people in our lives. Any intending partner or spouse who disregards people who matter to you or those who are part of your life development is bereft of good values. The scriptures say, ‘Give honor to whom honor is due.’
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Good values are also reflected in our cultures and the antecedents of those who model us. Never take lightly a person who lacks home training or who came from a disturbing family background. These things form our values consciously or unconsciously. So when you are getting married it is wise to consider your spouse’s values before you tie the knot. Friends, going into marriage with a person who does not have the right values for a lifelong affair like marriage could be very challenging and inhibiting to experiencing a blissful and emotionally stable marriage. Also keep in mind that cultural values, for example, differ from place to place and among various ethnic backgrounds. As a single planning to get married, taking note of this variation in values and adjusting considerably to them will be helpful to you and your spouse in the long run.
©️ Seyi Igunsabi for M.A.G.I
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