Choosing the right life partner is too important a responsibility, so it must never be left to chance or some recommendations from certain individuals. Photo Credit: Vivian Kayode-Yusuf Photos Frankly,…
The answer to this cardinal question of life trending among many young unmarried Christians seeking marriage these days is- capital underlined NO.
It is not even debatable neither should it be a point of controversy before those who understand the way of God. Please just endeavour to read to the end and you’ll agree with on this eye-opening submission on the subject matter.
Too many married people are wallowing in the sea of regrets these days owing to this manipulative approach to getting married.
If you are unmarried and you want to secure a fulfilling marital destiny through sound knowledge, then don’t try to consider marrying an individual on the recommendation of your parents, friends, prophet and your pastor. This notion, that someone can be recommended as a future life partner is a major reason why some couples all over the world are in secret pains today in their unions consummated with a recommended partner. It’s also one of the main causes of divorce and separation among many couples.
The truth is: anyone who depends on God to help him or her connect with a destiny partner tends to always have better confidence to cope with things should anything go wrong along the line in that union. But if it’s a case of some persons persuaded them to marry their partner, it’s a lot much easier to blame the third party for all the unexpected and to decide to walk out of the relationship.
However, i would love to acknowledge that there may be few exceptions to these scenarios painted above. It’s just that many are trying to build their marriage dreams on these exceptions and it’s costly, hence the necessity of this post.
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The best thing your pastor and parents can do for you in this regard is to guide you like I am doing now but the final choice is still your singular responsibility and majorly tied to divine leadership. Please don’t misunderstand me- it is not a crime to be close to your pastor or parents, but when it comes to making a choice of a life partner you must draw the line.
I understand that some persons may be so close to their pastors or parents that they may want to suggest to them whom to marry, claiming that they are doing so in their best interest but we must all wake up to the reality of choosing our own wife and our own husband. It is only God that can help you out in this matter besides the marriage counselling knowledge you have acquired.
Choosing or knowing whom to marry is a private matter, no one can (should) do it for you. Just like nobody can eat for you or sleep for you, no one has the capacity to choose or recommend a partner to you. It is about your life and destiny, not theirs. And like I normally say humorously: If you go ahead to marry a recommended person, you may as well prepare for avoidable recommended troubles in marriage.
Someone would say but I know some persons who got married on recommendation and they are doing fine. That is perhaps an exception, yet we can not build rightness of deed on a few exceptions. But I can confidently tell that there are vast others who are having regrettable marriages because their partners were recommended to them by somebody with possible vested interest.
As a matter of fact, even those few exceptions will usually have something still missing in their union when we look at it from the view of destiny fulfilment. And this may remain oblivious to the two persons concerned even through out a lifetime. While some may realise it when it’s probably too late for them to make any changes.
Interestingly, we don’t score our destinies ourselves but we’ll often have an idea of how well we did or didn’t do if we are sincere in our conscience.
OTHER REASONS WHY MARRYING A RECOMMENDED PERSON COULD BE VERY DANGEROUS.
2. No One Knows Tomorrow Like God.
It is incontestable that no man or angel has a perfect knowledge of the future like God, the All-Knowing One. The bible says: He declares the end from the beginning and at the same time, He is the Alpha and Omega. So a couple is always safe in His hands and in His plan if He is the connecting link, no matter what comes their way in marriage.
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The best of men are men at their best. So a man’s knowledge is too limited to connect you to an accurate destiny partner. Instead, I urge you to take time to seek your destiny maker and He will direct your path if you trust in Him with all your heart in this regard. By God’s providence, I am a blessed and living proof of God being the Perfect Matchmaker.
For emphasis, I maintain that- no one can truly determine who agrees with your destiny and bring them your way than THE DESTINY MAKER, God. In fact, this should happen almost naturally and by what is called divine providence. And this, without any human arrangement. However, there may be human involvement. These two are entirely different.
For instance, as a serving Youth Pastor in one of our headquarters churches between 2015 and 2017, I appointed eight executive members to work with me. Along the line two of them got engaged and wedded in 2018. On the wedding day, another exco member of the same set said to me that I was the one God used to bring this new couple together; on hearing that- I just smiled. You see, I was involved in their meeting each other but I never brought them together to get married but to work with me as a team under my leadership. I never talked about marriage to them once neither did I suggest it anyway while working together. But as they served with me on the same board, God himself connected them. Today, they are happily married.
3. It Gives Room For Tormenting Marital Experience.
Marrying a person God did not connect you with by Himself can make that marriage tormenting to you because only God can guarantee your peace by all means.
2 Thessalonians. 3:16
“Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace always by means.” (KJV)
There is no torment in doing God’s will or pleasure in anything including marriage. If peradventure you sense torment, then it means you are not at the centre of His will. No matter the situation a couple may be faced with in a conjugal union, their peace is guaranteed by God if He brought them together. Remember God does not pay for what He has not order for. Hence, when it comes to choosing a destiny partner, let God, the destiny Maker superimpose His will in this regard and you will never say ” Had I known.”
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4. It’s A Lifelong Responsibility That No One Else Should Decide For You.
Whom you marry can either make or mar your destiny. You have heard this before right? Interestingly, many who are now regretting in their marriage have also heard it before they got married. However, they did not allow this truth to set them free, primarily by taking responsibility for the choice of their life partner.
In these days of so much access to knowledge and revelations of God we can not afford to shift the responsibility of connecting with our destiny partners into the hands of some hungry and deceitful prophets and pastors, even friends, who can sell one’s destiny for cash.
A sister once told me about a Pastor, somewhere, I think in Ogun state, Nigeria, who match makes singles (of course, desperate ones). I can’t remember how she came into contact with him but eventually he (the Pastor) matched make her with one guy who was not focused and decisive about his life. I got to know because I was privileged to meet the guy in question. I had warned her earlier (before I had contact with the young man) when she hinted me about the guy and how they met, that she was treading a dangerous path. But at that time it seemed like a bitter pill for her to swallow until she realized it herself. Thank God she did.
However, she had wasted time and resources with the said guy before she backed out. I speak by knowledge of the Spirit, human matchmaking does not guarantee having a marriage as God intended- a peaceful, purposeful and restful marital experience.
Whom you marry is capable of minimizing or maximizing your destiny.
5. Often Those Who Recommend Have Some Hidden Vested Interest.
This is the case with most people who try to recommend a life partner to some individuals. One major reason why you should beware of marrying a recommended person is the possibility of VESTED interest in the recommender. Initially, this may not be visible but with time it is made known. However, the main danger in it, is that- the one recommending may be aware that the two persons involved are a mismatch but due to vested interest he does not reconsider his action.
Whereas when God connects His children by Himself in marriage, there is nothing like vested interest. What subsists is all-round MUTUAL interest- as it bothers on God, the Destiny-maker, and the two destinies coming together as one.
Finally, if you don’t want to make a regrettable choice, let God connect you and not any man or prophet. Don’t marry a person just to please your parents and catapult yourself out of destiny. Ten thousand prophet can not determine your accurate path as the Spirit of God Himself would do for you. So, I encourage you to develop and work on your relationship with the Holy Spirit. But don’t wait until it’s time to get married before you do that.
©️ MAGI
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“Ignorant zeal is worthless; haste makes waste.” Prov.19:2
(The Message)
‘Ignorant zeal’ in the scripture above suggests being zealous to do what you don’t know how to do. More often than not, the outcome is usually fatal and very unpleasant. This is exactly what many Christian singles seem to be doing today. They are zealous about marriage stuff, yet they lack the basic knowledge needed to get married and, more importantly, to stay married.
The topic of my discussion here is something many unmarried persons have taken for granted while preparing to get married, which has led to their marital destiny being truncated and trashed. Marrying a person on the recommendation of others is perhaps one of the greatest sources of self-inflicted pain that many couples face today in life and in their marriage.
The decision about whom to marry is too sensitive and slippery for any individual to allow other people to administer. I boldly say: If you are unmarried and you don’t want your labor and desire to have a good and fulfilling marital life to be in vain after you wed, then make a decision today that you WILL NOT marry anybody based on a recommendation.
Whoever it may be – be it your friends, your pastor, a prophet, or your parents; none of these qualifies to choose or recommend a life partner to you. The simple reasons are my focus in this teaching. It’s in your own best interest to be determined to marry the person God (not anybody else) wants you to marry: the one whom He has aligned your destiny path with before you were born.
I tell you from experience when it comes to choosing a life partner, there is nothing so soothing like marrying the bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh. A proverb among the Yorubas, a tribe in Nigeria, West Africa, says: “A guy or lady that misses it in the choice of a life partner, his or her experience is best likened to that of a log (wood) cutter who carries ant-infested log on the head while returning home from the farm.” I am sure my guess on what would follow after is as good as yours.
There are a number of things that can happen in such a scenario. One thing is certain, his journey with that ant-infested wood will likely be aborted or unsuccessful, especially if they are the black soldier ants ( with Sharp stings) of the ants family.
Similarly, most people who marry on recommendation, if not all, rarely succeed in marriage as God intended for mankind from the beginning of creation due to mismatch. They seem to always full of regrets because they did not marry whom their heart and Destiny-Maker ordained for them in life.
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Moreover, among them are those who easily give up on a marital affair when they reach a breaking point in the journey. This is because, in the first place, they had no personal conviction or guidance in choosing to marry their partners. Unfortunately, getting married is not like taking school exams, where one can resit if one fails. In marriage, one can’t simply remarry if they encounter marital problems or failure. You are expected to stay until it works out. Remember, only death should separate a couple, provided there is no domestic violence.
SOME REASONS WHY MARRYING A RECOMMENDED PERSON COULD BE VERY DANGEROUS.
1. Marriage Is All About Fulfilling Destiny.
I have come to a conclusion, after doing one or two pieces of research, that 99.9% of humanity has a destiny involving marriage. This means that all the men and women in the world who have no inclination towards celibacy (the 99.9%) will need a viable marital relationship at a set time in their lives to be able to maximize their destiny. On the other hand, the remaining less than 0.1%, who are celibates, will be able to live a full life without marriage. Among them were Jesus Christ, Paul, Elijah, Elisha, etc. Additionally, we have present-day Reverend Fathers, monks, and other individuals separated for religious reasons, primarily.
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For clarification, a celibate is someone who has never been involved in a carnal or sensual relationship with the opposite sex and does not intend to try one in the future.
So, if this is the case, then no man, regardless of status, is accurate enough to link you up with a destiny partner than the Destiny Maker Himself. He is the ONLY and UNMISTAKABLE Perfect Match Maker of men and women when it comes to marriage and maximizing destiny. No one knows our frame like God.
The word of God in Psalm 95:6 says the Lord is our Maker. He is the script writer of our destinies according to Psalm. 139:17- “
“Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book, they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.”
So, it’s practically impossible to depend on any man to connect you with your destiny partner when he was not there when you were formed in your mother’s womb; neither are such individuals privy to the book of destiny written about you by the destiny scriptwriter Himself. Therefore, since there is a strong relationship between our marriage and destiny, it is destiny-threatening to thrust the choice of a marriage partner to the judgment of any mortal man.
Because the Lord Himself sets each of our destinies before we even show up here in this life, He knows who fits perfectly into our destiny mold. As such, we cannot afford to subject this destiny-making decision to the control of some human recommendations and manipulations.
It will amaze you to know that the majority of couples and marriages that are arranged usually end up as victims of human and emotional manipulation. This is verifiable all around us. Without any doubt, countless people have had their destinies distorted due to this misguided approach to a serious matter like marriage. Irrespective of the contrary opinions of some individuals regarding the criticism of this process of choosing a life mate, I maintain that only the Almighty has the prerogative to connect people with their destiny partners, especially those who live for Him.
Please, kindly read up the concluding part of this write up under the topic – ‘Can My Pastor, Prophet or Parents Choose for Me? Thank you.
©️ MAGI
Attention Please: If this message has impacted you positively, PLEASE LET US KNOW in the comment column. You should do this to encourage me to do more. Thank you for your positive response.
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The spate of adultery and fornication among brethren in Christendom is becoming increasingly disturbing. Moreover, as it involves pastors and other ministers of the gospel. Therefore, all of us, especially those who are yet to be victims of this seductress who have crept into the church subtly, must now begin to take greater precautions.
Perhaps these few points below, thoughtfully selected, will help many male ministers in this regard.
1. Often, they work their way to come into close contact or friendship with you before they start to execute their mission. In fact, at times, they indirectly enter into your proximity by getting close to your spouse or another important friend of yours. It is almost impossible for an adulterous woman or a seductress to capture her unwilling prey from a distance. Prov. 7:12 – “At times she was outside, at times in the open square, lurking at every corner.”
2. They crave attention from you every now and then, especially if you are both in the same workspace or project group. They can be subtle in this regard. Each time you respond positively, they tend to celebrate it to a notable degree. This latter strategy of a seductress will steal an average man’s heart unless he is disciplined, focused, and spiritually sensitive.
3. They like to keep a line of conversation open with you at the slightest opportunity. Whenever they do this, they love to stay on with you longer than necessary, either through a phone call or a face-to-face conversation. They ensure that their conversation is soothing and emotional at all times, something you look forward to, perhaps due to a loss of communication with your own partner.
4. They use the interrogative strategy, under the guise of showing concern, to gather information from you about your spouse’s inactions and lapses towards you, and they begin to capitalize on it. Before you know it, they start to offer blanket but emotional advice to you. At other times, they come directly, suggesting how they intend to compensate for your spouse’s shortcomings, especially in the area of your emotional and sexual needs. They exempt no one from this approach, even acclaimed ministers of the gospel.
5. They can be mean when it comes to getting physical with you in an immoral manner. They are willing to sacrifice anything for it. A few seductive women would not even mind giving up their pride and dignity before colleagues or even losing their jobs just to share an immoral experience with a boss or a leader. Prov. 30:20 – “This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, and says, ‘I have done no wickedness.'”
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