Since we know and agree that there are no perfect marriages anywhere on earth, getting the best out of your marriage is possible if you are willing and prepared to do the needful with your partner. Also, we have to admit to the fact that marriage can be a very pleasant experience for those who get it right and who also understand the dynamics of marriage as God intended from the beginning.

The unequivocal truth is – virtually all marriages can be made good and maximized to their best depending on the individuals involved.

The challenge for many troubled couples and unstable marriages has always been their approach to marriage matters and the ways they relate to their spouses and family members. It is unbelievable how some unmarried folks dread the idea of marriage these days. Of course, the reasons for this are not far-fetched, ranging from numerous stories (even some known to them) of failed marriages, the rate of betrayal among couples, the menace of extramarital escapades, incessant divorce stories even among respected Christian leaders, etc., to mention a few.

Yet it was not so from the beginning. Matt. 19:1-8. Jesus nailed it on the head when he said ‘hardness of heart’, consolidated by ‘ignorance of the heart’ is the basis for most marital frustrations, regrets and failures.

Matt. 19:8-

Matthew 19:8
“He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.”

The hardness of heart, of course, speaks of an incorrigible heart. Many marriages have broken while several homes are on fire because of this. When a husband or his wife refuses to take correction on obviously wrong conjugal behaviours, it creates cracks on the wall of the marriage which eventually leads to a worrisome marital crisis.

For instance, I know two couples in a serious marital crisis as I write now—one is about six years of marriage and the other is two years. They are unsettled because the men refuse to establish the fact that their wives come before their mothers. Their cases in detail are so pathetic and show a high level of ignorance on the part of the husbands. This is why I emphasise that singles get an understanding of marriage as God intends and also ensure they marry a person with similar knowledge. This is a sure way to save oneself from some martial headaches.

The hardness of heart is seen in a person who is not ready to learn or be taught on how to do things right or do the right things. This is the cause of many supposed hurting marriages nowadays.

Marriage itself is a very good idea from God. It is the greatest form of relationship among humans on earth. It is the most potent relationship in the whole wide world as well. There are immeasurable benefits of getting married that are oblivious (unaware of) to many married people. And of course, those benefits are not playing out in their lives for obvious reasons like the hardness of their hearts and ignorance.

Listen, child of God, if you are committed to bringing out the best in your marriage you will get it. That commitment will drive you to learn what needs to be done to actualize your dream and help you choose you the right behaviours that enhance the realization of a robust marital union. For example, as a single, long before I got married – I chose never to beat my wife because I understood by learning that the drastic act has drastic consequences. Also, I chose to deliberately make my wife happy and never to let her regret getting married to me- and this drives me in a certain direction without hesitation. Making most of marriage is always up to individuals more than anything else.

How To Bring Out the Best In Your Marriage:

Phili. 4:8 & 9.

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.”

1. Think And Do Things That Are True To Your Spouse And In Your Marriage Union.

How do we know or understand what is true? Simple. Learn to think and do to your spouse everything from God’s word commands on marriage, directly or indirectly. John 17:17.

“Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth.”

Anything God frowns at is not true, no matter your excuse or what men think or say about it. Even if it is your town or family tradition and it has lasted for 400yrs, so long as God’s word does not corroborate it- it is false and unfair to all concerned. The fact that your parents did it that way their marriage does not mean it is the true way of marriage if it negates the word of God or God’s plan for marriage.

It may be a popular opinion in many circles but that does not still make it true. For example, pressuring and molesting one’s wife for not having a male child is a popular thing (especially in Africa) yet it’s not a true definition of a working or profitable marriage.

2. Think and Do Things that are Noble.

It is a noble thing to disallow the least form of violence in marriage. It is only noble to make your spouse your greatest confidant. It is not a noble thing for a wife to confront her husband in the home, not to speak of it in public. It is ignoble for a man to make decisions about his family, his marriage, business, or career after consulting with family members and some close friends without any input from his spouse. Both as a pastor and a counsellor, I have met several men who do this degrading thing.

Rather, it is noble to listen first to what your spouse has to say on every vital issue that concerns your marriage and family life. Although he or she may not be as intelligent as you expect, even in his or her contributions, do her that honour to be heard out before anybody else.

One lady told me recently that her husband listens to no one except his mother. It implies that his wife’s opinion does not count. Such a man is prone to falls and costly mistakes.

Also, it is a sign of nobility to put your spouse before anyone else in your life. It only shows how much you cherish and honour your spouse, who is one flesh with you.

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3. Think and Do Things that are Just.

Do I need to explain to you things that are just and right? Even without being taught, virtually all our consciences are active enough to tell us what is right or wrong. Further teachings are to help us become more conscious of doing the right thing without claiming ignorance.

Being just is all about learning to do the required good to your spouse and children (Isaiah 1:17). For example, you can’t be dressing gorgeously, using a very expensive phone and your wife and children are hungry or wearing close to rags. That is not just. You can’t be sending money to your parents and siblings but your wife is borrowing money from her friends and relations to even cook the food you would eat- that is not noble sir. Charity begins at home.

4. Esteem Purity In Your Marriage And Love Relationship.

This is foundational to almost everything that is required to bring the best out of your marriage. Where there is purity there will be trust and transparency. Purity will not allow you to dwell on offenses rather it enables you to show forgiveness and move on as if it never happened, even in a worst-case scenario. This is the way my wife and I operate our marriage. So it has made both of us so intimate and friendly that we enjoy marital bliss almost naturally.

Purity in the heart and deeds also enhances the fear of God in a couple. Hence, they can coexist in such a way that promotes love, peace, confidence, and trust, with the fear of God guiding them. Apart from this, a pure heart is a very good breeding ground for wisdom and life-enhancing inspiration.

5. Think and Do Things in a Lovely Way.

Love has little or nothing to do with affection, romance, or sex. Love is more of a lifestyle than some emotional connotations. It is not even much about buying gifts or displaying nice attitudes. The love we are talking about here is all about showing care, concern, and understanding towards your beloved wife or husband. It suggests avoiding things, behaviours, and attitudes that make your partner uncomfortable being around you, which eventually leads to hurtful feelings.

Love is showing kindness and warmth at every opportunity you have to your spouse and in-laws, treating them like your own family. If you love your spouse, you will stay away from things that provoke and hurt him or her. Insulting your spouse, keeping malice with him or her, or showing kindness to others more than you do to your spouse and children- is not loving. The fruit of love is seen in our beauteous and easy-on-the-eye character, especially towards our spouse.

Then the ultimate Law of Love is- Love your neighbor as yourself and Love does no harm to a neighbour. Rom. 13:10.

6: Think and Do Things That Are Of Good Report.

That is, what you do to your spouse in the home if reporters are to have a press briefing on it, will you gladly honour it? Is it of good report?

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Let’s consider this: if you are a man who is a wife-beater would you be proud to see it as a newspaper headline or as online breaking news? Can you call the press to watch you as you insult your spouse, your mother-in-law and walk out on your spouse spitefully? Would you encourage the press to put up a headline that suggests you are having extramarital affairs? In essence, you’d start getting the best of your conjugal union as soon as you commit yourself to do things that are of good report to your spouse.

7. Endeavour To Pass Your Deeds Through The Virtuous to Test.

What is virtue? Virtue is a word that also means- admirable, beautiful, clean, morally correct, ethical, noble, commendable, honest, incorruptible, right-thinking, exemplary, decent, godly etc., just to mention a few.

The question now is- will your actions and behaviours in marriage and family life pass the virtuous test, given the synonyms of virtue above?

8. Think and Do Things that are Praise Worthy.

This has to do with doing things that wow your partner and make him or her show much gratitude to you. Anything you do in your marital relationship that people and your spouse can not congratulate you for will worsen the situation in your marriage and relationship. Do things that even your spouse would not mind to give you a medal if presented with the opportunity.

Praiseworthy things are those actions that inspire your partner to be at their best for you when the need arises. For men, doing praiseworthy things may not mean taking your wife to a five-star restaurant for a dinner or going to Dubai to shop for her whole-scale (it’s fine if you have the means); but relating with your spouse in a way that they remain grateful to God that they are married to you. And it may be in things like being trustworthy, caring for their them, sacrificing for them and showing understanding in unexpected situations.

Last line: No marriage partner that will not be at their best if their spouses treat and relate with them these ways. And it must begin from the mind.

©️MAGI

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