A marriage without fears is the dream of every couple, but unfortunately many are having disturbing marital experiences due to some missing links and misunderstanding of the marriage tenets put in place by the Originator.

In the earlier part of this write-up, I made it abundantly clear that- the atmosphere of fear over marriage is a great limiting factor to any couple under it. Fear frustrates progress in any thing including marriage.

Also, in my few years of counseling, I have seen couples, especially the menfolks inflict fear and death threats against their spouse. It is a horrible thing to behold. I make bold to say- this isn’t marriage as God intended for mankind and His children. Anyone who is afraid of his or her spouse and is intimidated by them is not in a marriage but in some other kind of affair. A marriage without fears is a strong and healthy marriage. It affords a couple the ambiance to relate as true friends, not just as husband and wife. Also, it promotes the spirit of togetherness and unity in a home.

SO, BELOW ARE THE REMAINING PECULIARITIES ABOUT A FEARLESS MARITAL UNION:

4. IN A FEARLESS MARRIAGE, DISCRIMINATION AMONG RELATIONS AND IN-LAWS IS NOT WITNESSED OR ENCOURAGED IN ANY FORM.

But Ruth said:
“Entreat me not to leave you,
Or to turn back from following after you;
For wherever you go, I will go;
And wherever you lodge, I will lodge;
Your people shall be my people,
And your God, my God.
Where you die, I will die,
And there will I be buried.
The LORD do so to me, and more also,
If anything but death parts you and me.” Ruth 1:16 & 17.

If Ruth could show this kind of commitment to her greatly bereaved mother-in-law, then she must have had a higher degree of that commitment towards her late husband. This is how true couples should behave concerning their spouse’s relations and perhaps friends. Wherever this subsists, the home is bound to be free of any bias arising from fear and its variables, as far relationship with in-law is concerned. More so, this mutual acceptance of each other’s extended family members reduces significantly, the fear of being rejected or molested by an in-law. And in turn, it steps up the confidence of each of the couple before their in-laws.

5. IT IS A MARRIAGE WHERE COUPLES ARE UNITED ON ALL FRONTS

Unity of purpose and mind is very essential to any couple that wants to have a robust and healthy marriage that is tension-free. Like the saying goes: ”Together we stand, divided we fall.” A marital relationship in which the couple is bold and relaxed to discuss issues that bother on the family and marriage will witness quality and sound decision-making than the one dominated by fear and trepidation.

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The presence of fear and lack of communication due to fear, often, will not allow a couple to make life and family enhancing decisions and plans. Remember two are better than one. Couples are expected to be at their best when they agree on whatever move they intend to make at any given time. A couple that is united, open and free with each other finds it easier to ward off third-party intrusions. And of course, this is protective for their marriage and home.

A united couple who share the same spiritual values and marital knowledge is always more productive and formidable (to unhealthy external influences) than two persons in a marriage who are afraid to talk things over with their spouse because of a tensed atmosphere. Although once in a while a little compromise may help to foster this unity. However, please note, such compromise from either or both of them at any given time is not expected to be harmful but sacrificial and selfless.

6. IN A FEARLESS MARRIAGE EVERYBODY IS SOMEBODY; NO ONE IS TOO BIG TO RECEIVE OR TENDER APOLOGY FOR WRONGDOING.

Rom. 12:10.

“Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;”

Forgiving the offences of your spouse and tendering apologies as required is an honourable thing to do in a Christian marriage. When anyone is too big to apologise for wrongdoing in a family or marriage setting, it breeds fear and intimidation in one’s spouse and other family members. Tendering apologies and showing forgiveness regardless who the offender is, is sacrosanct to blissful and progressive marital relationships.

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Because no one is above mistake or beyond fall, offences must occur in relationships that is why we must learn to forgive and apologise as occasion demands to cushion the adverse effect of offences on marriage and family life.

As a matter of fact, in our family, my wife and I have made a habit of apologising to our children when we are convinced that we are wrong in a matter. And I do see that it’s an awesome experience for our children when we show this family-life gesture towards them.

7. IN A FEARLESS MARRIAGE, GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A GREAT ENHANCER.

A marriage where the couple doesn’t talk as expected will naturally create room for fear and limit intimacy. When you find it difficult to communicate with your partner, offence will increase undoubtedly. Why? Because you will not know what his or her expectations are. She may be expecting B but you are doing A, so there will be a clash of interest. In a fearless union, communication flows freely and constantly. Besides, the communication gap is very minimal or almost non-existent.

Where there is no communication, assumption takes over. And assumption breeds frustrations and misgivings that strain a relationship. Communication is key for anyone to have a robust relationship where there are trust and confidence. Couples that want to have an atmosphere of peace and progress, must do their best to talk things over, don’t sweep talks under the carpet even if it’s a bad talk. Discussing bad talks that arise from grievances should be done in love and with a corrective approach.

Even as a single in a relationship if you are courting someone who becomes incommunicado for days running into weeks just because of some misunderstanding- that is a red. He or she will likely torture you in that marriage with this kind of attitude. So I advise you not to sell yourself cheap to a fearful affair, avoid it!

Furthermore, it’s unbelievable how some men make their wives so uncomfortable and fearful by condescending to relate more with their housemaids than they do with their legal better-half. Then the next thing is, such wives start having a phobia for the unwarranted rapport between their spouse and the housemaids. But if there exists a proper communication between a couple, the chances for this kind of unhealthy occurrence becomes very slim.

All these aforementioned features are indeed a good necessity for any couple that cherish an atmosphere of a fearless and blissful marriage and its accompanying dividends.

©️ MAGI

SEE ALSO, THE FEARLESS MARRIAGE- 1

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