’30 Questions You Must Ask Before Marriage’- is an exposè on the parameters you must watch out for before choosing a life partner and tying the knots with anyone.

The nature of marriage is such a slippery yet deep one, that you cannot afford to start without being fully aware of what you are going into.

In this write-up, by the wisdom of God and with my experience as a counsellor for more than a decade, I have highlighted some salient questions that purpose-driven intending couples need to ask before tying the knot with any man or woman in marriage.

1. Is this person of the same spiritual origin as me? This is not about denomination per se. It covers the genuineness of the salvation of the person in question. Because anyone who does not love God will find it very difficult to express true love to a partner. If you are genuinely born again you will know if he or she is. 2 Corinth. 6:14.

2. Does this person have a spiritual history of someone who knows what it means to live for God’s course and serve God’s interest? Don’t settle down for a loafer in the church or the kingdom. A person who is not committed to God may find it very challenging to show commitment to a mortal like his or her spouse.

3. Is this individual God’s will for my marriage and destiny? Never get into a serious relationship that will lead to marriage with someone that you don’t have a clear inner divine conviction about. Marriage is about destiny, that’s why the one you tie the knot with is called a destiny partner. So pray to God about your choice, and do so heartily and sincerely.

4. Does my prospect appeal to my life dreams and goals? That is, is this person someone who can help me achieve my life dreams and divine destiny goals? Will he or she be there for me lifelong and see to it that the dream seeds in me germinate profitably in due time? It’s not much about the present financial capability of the individual or the connections he or she has, it is more of how true and how committed this person is to the union and your worthwhile pursuits.

5. Does this prospect of mine share similar values with me in terms of life, family concept, relationship matters, and spiritual knowledge? Remember, you can never hold hands with someone going in an opposite direction to you (Amos 3:3): If your values are different, your unison in terms of the purpose and concept of marriage will be often threatened.

6. Does this person have people that are highly respected and honored by him or her? I mean, people that are like mentors and objective guides in their life. People, he or she will listen to no matter how tense a situation. If you can hardly find any around your prospect’s life, it’s a dangerous signal. This simply suggests your prospect will go to the extreme in some situations without looking back.

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7. Is my ‘engagee’ someone from whom forgiveness flows freely? Is this person you are considering for marriage someone that finds it very difficult to say sorry or admit to wrongdoing. Dating somebody that hardly admits they are wrong is a red flag. Forgiveness and apologies should never be scarce commodities in any viable and progressive relationship.

8. Is he or she someone that will always share deepest thoughts, feelings, and desires with me naturally? Marriage, as God intended, is best operated under an open policy. Gen. 2:25 establishes this. Where marriage partners still have reasons to hold back deepest thoughts and feelings from their spouses spells doom for the marriage and the persons involved.

9. Does this person have respect for deserving people in my life, family, church, career, or business place, during courtship? Any prospect who does not show regard for those who matter in your life will soon or later make you a captive in that marriage. If he or she dishonors people who matter to you, you too will soon or later become a foot-mat to him or her, it’s a matter of time.

10. Is my prospect a positive and forward-thinking person even under a tense situation? How positive and hopeful is this person even when things are happening contrary to expectations. Any intending partner that falls to pieces in a crisis almost all the time is weak and unconvincing to be a true partner for a journey like marriage.

“If your values are different, your unison in terms of the purpose and concept of marriage will be often threatened.”

11. Does my prospect seek my opinion on virtually all the issues that bother the upcoming marriage and the home we intend to build together? Is my fiancé or fiancée mindful enough to reason with me on subjects that surround our plan to live together and raise a family? If your prospect makes vital decisions that concern both of you without consulting with you- you are about to marry a ‘dictator’ spouse. The aftermath will be unpleasant. Think about it.

12. Is my prospect a person who esteems personal interest and pleasures above mutual interest and gain? This is very important for building a robust and peaceful marital relationship. Anyone in a marital affair who puts personal interest before mutual benefits will end up a manipulator. Be warned?

SEEN THIS, How to Identify a Domineering Person Before You Marry Him or Her.

13. Does my prospect have trust for me and do I have trust for my prospect? If your spouse-to be has trust issues, you may want to look else where for a partner of peace. Absence of trust in a marital relationship is the beginning of strife and hurtful feelings. In fact, where trust is in doubt in a marital union, the centre can not hold.

14. Are there unmistakable indications that I am my prospect’s highest priority among all others including his cherished family members and friends. If your prospect shows a preference for anyone else more than you, it’s a sign that your marriage will come under the influence of external controlling powers. It further shows you will hardly be able to get adequate support from your prospect after you get married. This is inimical to your progress and fulfillment besides your marital life.

15. Does my spouse-to-be, have spelt out and written-down life goals? What dreams or visions drive this person’s life? Never join yourself to a person who does not have a clear direction of where he is going or whom he wants to become in life? Remember this, anyone who has no dream or vision of life is living by chance and may never advance as expected. Anyone without a clear vision is courting a doubtful and bleak future.

16. What is the level of kindness my prospect show to people generally? If your intending partner is kind to others naturally, the tendencies are high that you will also enjoy kindness in your union and relationship as a couple. Don’t say ‘Yes I Do’, to an unkind person. You will know their level of kindness by observing their dealings with others. For example, a person who swindles his organization or business partner to amass riches and material possessions is an unkind individual. Isn’t he?

17. Can I hope with my prospect’s extended family practices and peculiarities? Some families have routine practices and consensus peculiarities among children and parents. For example, old parents may be required to go on holidays with their married children on a rotational basis. You need to find out if this and other similar practices are obtainable in the family of your prospect, and be prepared to accommodate it with a good mind. However, such family practices are not expected to intrude on or impede your family’s peace and plans. There must be a compromise where and when necessary.

Please look out for the rest of the marriage-making or breaking questions you must ask before you start a lifelong marriage journey with anyone, in my new ebook- “30 Questions You Must Ask Before You Go To The Altar With Anyone”.

Ebook to be released before September 2022.

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