13 Drivers Of A Peaceful Marriage (Heaven On Earth Home)
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Ladies: How To Make Your Husband A Superman.
By Seyi Igunsabi
Personally, in my capacity as a spiritual leader and a relationship coach and counsellor, I have met women who have zero regards for their husbands. There are those whom at any point they become embitterd against their husband due to uncharitable acts, wished them misfortunes. This should not be so.
A wise woman and a virtuous wife should not be caught up in this kind of spousal misdemeanors. One thing women must begin to come to term with in this era is this – a woman that wants her husband to treat her like a queen must be prepared to relate with him as a king too.
Your husband’s fortunes, and perhaps misfortunes, are intrinsically yours too. So it is a wise thing for a wife to make a commitment to seek her husband’s welfare with the aim of bringing out the best in him. While this is being achieved, watch how things will begin to fall into place for you and your family at large.
The true picture of things is that -you can actually have a man of your dream, a superman to speak, but you have a responsibility towards this too being his wife.
Here are some guidelines, but not limited to these, for achieving this worthwhile feat:
1. Respect Him.
By the grace of God and with my counselling experience, I have the audacity to say one of the commonest attitude that put off (demoralize, dishearten, offend , scare off, disgust) a lot of men in their marriage and home is absence of respect (honour, reverence) from their wife. Men are naturally pleased with a woman that respects them. If there is one thing I know that deters and turns off most men in the home it is a confrontational and resistant wife.
2. Support Him.
This is the primary role God Himself gave every woman who is to be a wife to a man called her husband. In Gen. 2:18, God said unequivocally- “… I will make him a helper (supporter,) comparable to him.” Listen woman , there shouldn’t be a better supporter of your spouse than you whether you seem to have what it takes or not. At best never stop to support him morally.
3. Encourage Him.
Wise women understand this. Great wives do this. As a married woman one of the greatest damage you would do to your husband and invariably yourself, is to take delight in talking him down instead of being his best encourager. Can I tell you this? Woman, the best encourager of your husband is you. No one else will really occupy that space in his life. As a matter of fact, anyone who encourages your husband more than you could steal his heart from you.
RELATED, Men Only: The Secrets of Bringing Out the Best in Your Wife. (1)
4. Avoid Confronting Him.
All men hate confrontation. You may quote this anywhere. Learn to use the weapon of reasoning with your man even when he is on the wrong side of the divide. Men are naturally egoistic, so you must tread softly when arguments ensue with your husband. I understand that once in a while a woman (wife) may just want to be blunt with her spouse on a matter and it may resemble confrontation. Whatever the case may be, learn to give your man his place as the head by always using the appeal or reasoning method.
5. Treat His People Like Your People.
In fact, if it is within your power, I advise that you treat them even better than your own relations occasionally. No woman does this that will not get her hubby’s back. Many wives get their husband really angry in this area of family affairs. I can confidently tell you that wives who give their husband’s relations less treatment than they accord to theirs, make themselves very vulnerable in the home.
6. Don’t Stage a Battle Against Your In-law For His Sake.
A friend of mine said: “A woman stands the chance to win the battle against in-law only when the husband is at the frontline of the battle. I understand the temptation may be there sometimes but always be prepared to resist it. Any battle against in-law that your husband can not champion for you, his wife, is an unnecessary battle. Leave it! Doing battles with in-law becomes more difficult for a woman to win her husband’s heart if he still maintains close relationships with his relations at her own peril.
7. Take Care of Him.
Men are like ‘babies’, they need to be taken care of, if you don’t want them to mess up the home. Take care of his meal times, so much that he looks forward to eating at home with excitement. Take care of his ego; that is, make him always feel like a man around you by giving him the lead role in virtually everything, everytime.
Take care of him, when he is in his low moments, your words of succor and assurance will surely lift up his spirit.
8. Give Him The Sex He Needs.
Wise wives don’t wisecrack with sexual needs of their husbands. Sex is more or less food to an average man. Sex may be mere pleasure and fun to female folks but with men, sex is like food. It is energy to them. With his corporation ensure your sex life is spiced up as much as possible.
There is no woman who does these aforementioned things, that will be unfruitful ( fail) or suffer in marriage.
Please like, drop comment and share. Thanks.
READ ALSO, The Right Keys To Winning In Marriage
21 Nuggets For Getting Married and Staying Married
The joy and beauty of getting married is often accessible only when we choose to stay married despite some necessitated marital challenges and expected conjugal commitments. It’s so important to understand that getting married is one thing, staying married is another thing entirely.
Little wonder many young and average age couples are finding it quite tasking to remain committed to their marriage vows whenever they are faced with the normal demands and challenges of marital life.
From all indications it is clear that so many singles and young adults get married for wrong reasons; ranging from age factor, desire for mere emotional pleasures, response to pressures from peers and parents, just to mention a few. But unknown to them that anyone who gets married for wrong reasons will certainly lack the capacity to stay married for the right reasons.
Getting married may not compulsorily depend on your capacity building but it is INEVITABLE to stay married. You know what, various people and organisations (E.g event planners, caterers) may assist to ensure your wedding succeeds; but when the wedding beats and feasts are over then the marriage journey begins and your capacity buildng shall be put to test.
Below are some nuggets from my seminar on this subject.
1. God is pleased to see us get married that’s why He instituted marriage. However, He is much more interested in seeing us stay married. Hence, He hates divorce. Malachi 2:16.
2. A lot of people especially in our time, want to get married but they would not mind quitting the marriage for just any reason. This is not right in the sight of God neither is it the will of God for marriage especially among true believers who have faith in the words of the scriptures.
3. The real beauty and joy of getting married is usually accessed and known in staying married.
4. If you can not stay married in spite of expected distractions & necessitated challenges in the marital journey then you weren’t beautiful enough to get married in the first place.
SEE THIS TOO, The Right Keys To Winning In Marriage
5. It will always pay off to stay married especially as Christian couples no matter what comes our way with exception to domestic violence.
6. Staying married after you have gotten married is a decision and not an option, at least as a well meaning and purpose driven individual. This gives your mind the most needed energy to hold on and carry on.
7. Biblically, and by divine ordinance of marriage, those who get married are supposed to stay married that is why even Jesus said : “ What God has joined together, let no man( no in law, friend, challenges and wrong counsels) put asunder.”
8. It is better not to marry than to get married without a commitment to stay married despite all odds.Matt. 19:10.
9. Until everyone planning to get married come to accept the truth that as a married person you have no right to break up a marital vow for just any reason, staying married for couples (Christian and Non-Christian) will continue to be a very tall order and a thing to compromise easily.
10. Getting married could be fun but staying married is first of all real work, then with some fun to spice it up. Learn the order.
11. Respect for people that matter in your spouse’s life must be convincing and clear before and after wedding.
12. Talking about ‘Tolerance‘ – if you can not take shit from your partner once in a while, it is better not to consider marriage because marriage is place of shits.
13. In fact I believe the best of couples are those who have become used to tolerating some shits from their lovely partners as occasion presents.
14. Forgiveness: is a vital and compulsory fruit for staying married. You must be prepared to bite it as many times as possible till death do you part.
15. To stay married, you must be prepared to let go somethings that could be detrimental to your marital success like habits, friendships, relationships, juicy job/business offers and the like- for the sake of your spouse’s happiness and peace. This is inevitable if you truly want your marriage to be a haven of peace and joy.
READ ALSO, Desperate Lady Trapped in a Fake Marriage by a Fake Prophet.
16. When you learn to resolve things between each other at all cost, it makes both of understand each other better and minimizes marital conflicts. Also, it helps to prevent negative or malicious interference from friends and relations (third party).
17. The Issue of Productivity of both parties to a marriage must not be compromised. Please this is very vital in building a lasting marital relationships. Remember money answereth all things. Lack of money is also the root of most frustrations.
18. Avoid hate speeches by all means. Don’t even allow it flow through your mind no matter the challenge you’re faced with in marriage. Watch your word, His grace is sufficient. Prov. 15:1 & 2.
19. Nobody who fears God and understands God plan for marriage should break up a marital vow for just any reason.
20. Those who are not prepared to pay the price of staying married need not get married by any chance or under pressure if they don’t want the trouble that will diminish their existence and significance in life.
21. The beauty of any marriage is not really reflected by the wealth or fame of the couple, the expensive cars they ride or the wearing of latest fashions but it’s in staying married with or without all these.
CHECK THIS, Dealing With Delayed Marriage.
NEW ARTICLE, Marriage: A Bliss or A Blister
Marriage: A Bliss or A Blister? (1)
Seyi Igunsabi Marriage: A Bliss or A Blister. It's up to you! If there is just one counsel I could give to any intending or married couple, it would be…
Marriage: The Winning Ways
by Seyi Igunsabi-Perez
Photo Credit: Shutterstock Photo
Marriage: the winning ways
In life, winning is everyone’s dream and desire. Frankly, no one wants to lose in any way or in anything; even those who commit atrocities wish to succeed at it. One area of life that I believe all well-meaning and purpose-driven individuals would like to win is marriage. The truth is that anyone who desires marriage or is already married must strive to win on the home front if such a person truly cherishes victory in other endeavors in life. The reason is that the effects of marriage are more all-encompassing than any other aspect of living.
Now, may I take you through the winning code I have learned over the years of marriage? These codes cut across all statuses, races, cultures, continents, social classes, and tribes.
1. Put God First in Your Marital Union.
This is a just and fundamental thing to do in order to succeed in marriage. The fact that marriage was His brainchild means you cannot make God the leader of your union and fail in marriage. Putting God first means that in all situations within your marriage, His counsel must come first and take precedence over all other opinions you may have as a couple, as well as those of anyone else.
2. Embrace the Mindset of a Winning Spouse (Couple).
The mind is the seat of power in life. It is primarily responsible for our actions and inactions. Until you win in your mind, you will continue to lack the capacity to win in the real world. Thoughts are so powerful that anything they focus on gets done somehow. Therefore, couples who want to live out the marriage of their dreams must be prepared to engage the power of will or the mind because of its transformative nature.
3. Believe in Each Other and Seek Each Other’s Interest to the Utmost.
Any couple that would make the most of marriage and family life must believe in each other and that they can thrive in marriage and life together. This act greatly encourages a couple to build a positive relationship and the marriage of their dreams. When your spouse realises how much you believe in him or her without prejudice, one effect this could have is that he or she will often want to surpass your expectations.
4. Avoid Third-Party Monsters.
This means that, as much as it depends on both of you, you should avoid overbearing third-party interference. The term ‘third party’ could very well refer to anyone, including your relatives, friends, neighbors, and possibly colleagues. However, sometimes even your children can fit into this ‘third party’ mold, which can cause a crack in the wall of your marriage if care is not taken. You just have to be wise to know where to draw the boundary lines for anyone trying to invade your marital privacy. Unchecked third-party interference can wreak havoc on your union. As a matter of principle, you should avoid discussing your spousal disagreements or your spouse’s excesses with anyone except a certified marriage counselor or pastor.
5. Never Undermine your Spiritual Life Devotions and Personal Relationship with God as Parties to a Marriage.
Marriage is more of a spiritual phenomenon than anything else. Create time to pray together as a couple and with the entire family. Your spirit needs to be lively for everything around you to receive life. Never compromise your time to dwell in His presence for anything, even church and ministry (if you are highly committed to the spread of the gospel). Remember, the God who instituted marriage is Spirit. So there will always be a dimension in God and a level of spirituality required to thrive in marriage.
SEE THIS TOO, 14 Marital Common Sense… Kept Away From Most Troubled couples.
6. Ensure You are Both Reasonably Productive.
Money solves many questions that often arise between a husband and a wife, I speak from experience. As a matter of fact, the majority of the grievances most couples experience in marriage and with respect to family financial commitments are money-related. So if both spouses have stable and reasonable financial income (not a rule though) winning is guaranteed on many fronts and conflict level is significantly reduced.
7. Be at Peace with Each Other as much as Possible.
You are expected to do this with understanding and determination. In the words of the Master (Jesus), a house divided against itself cannot stand. The absence of peace in the union and home impedes progress and blocks access to sound ideas that are capable of moving the family forward. When strife persists and is not resolved in good time, it also affects both personal effectiveness and career success. For instance, couples are not expected to allow their disagreements to last beyond twenty-four hours, notwithstanding their magnitude.
8. Be Fond of Each Other and Play Together.
In other words, consciously ease the tension in the atmosphere of your marriage and home through fun and playful attitudes and activities. Simple games, like making jokes out of each other’s words and actions, will do both of you a lot of good. Love is kind and not harsh, so learn to play together.
9. Don’t Give Occasion for Breach of Trust at Any Rate.
Trust is the bedrock for all relationships including viable love relationships. Any relationship where trust is found wanting is a disaster waiting to happen. Having trust in your partner sorts out many things that even money or status can hardly handle. And among other things, trust stems from the fear of God being the guide for all the actions and lifestyle of both couples. Joseph was a trusted person in Potiphar’s house on this basis.
Further, it is far better not to break trust than to break it and try to mend it.
10. Be Kind to Each Other Even if it Demands Occasional Sacrifices.
When you are kind to your spouse, you’d discover that it is better to be happy than to be right.
CHECK THIS, 20 Things Couples Do That Lead to Spousal Abuse.
Also, be kind to the people around you. It’s important that both of agree on acts of kindness you plan to show to your relations and outsiders. I strongly advise that a man or his wife shouldn’t show kindness independently especially if it’s a major one. I heard the story of a Christian lady who gifted one of the family cars while her husband was out of town. Her husband came back and asked the car to be withdrawn from the possessor. This was avoidable if his wife had conferred with her husband.
11. Never Watch The Fire Of Your Romance Go Dim.
Make sure you both bond emotionally and sexually regularly. Your busy work schedules or business engagements notwithstanding, you and your spouse must make time to attend to your personal sexual needs. This is good and healthy for your marriage and bodies. Your sexuality ought to be serviced from time to time because you’re in a covenant of marriage. It’s God’s way of helping you get intimate with your spouse physically and emotionally, strengthening the bond of love between the two of you. This also forms a strong premise for the accomplishment of your collective goals.
12. Never Try to be Independent of Each other.
Marriage does not thrive on independence but on interdependence. No marital relationship can really survive where a couple acts independently of themselves. They need each other to make marriage and family structures work. They each have significant contributions to make for their marriage to succeed. Marriage means husband and wife are one, and therein lies the strength and beauty of it. Unfortunately, the mentality of independence is what makes some spouses think it is easier to go’solo’ as a single parent at the slightest provocation, contrary to God’s original counsel for the institution. But when a couple embraces the concept of interdependence, the gains are immeasurable. ‘Interdependence’ and not ‘independence’ is the best relationship test for a winning marriage.
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Thank you.
©️ M.A.G.I
Men Only: The Secrets of Bringing Out the Best in Your Wife. (2)
In an earlier post during the week, I discussed some things that married men should be doing to help their wives live life to the fullest while making the most of their marital union.
Below is the concluding part of the write-up. I believe that any man who does these things will not be ashamed of his wife at all. Please read on.
The Rest Of The Highlights:
7. Don’t befriend or be close to anyone who shows disregard for your wife.
Anyone who honors you but disrespects your wife is a suspect and a hypocrite; he or she probably has a hidden agenda. In my parlance (Yoruba—a tribe in Nigeria), it is said that: ‘Whatever touches the eye will affect the nose.’ This applies to husband and wife too. However, I do understand that there may be one or two important personalities in your life who do not give due regard to your wife as they would ordinarily do to you. Although such actions are blameworthy, they may not be intentional. For such persons, I suggest you manage them rather than discard or estrange yourself from them altogether. However, over time, you must cleverly make them realize that your wife deserves as much honor as they give to you.
8. As occasions demand, make such sacrifices for her and your children that would often come across to her as a surprise.
That is, once in a while, go beyond the usual family life sacrifices and responsibilities. When this happens between a couple who understand each other, it is capable of restoring confidence in your wife, thereby making her realize that the relationship is worth its salt after all.
READ ALSO, Men Only: The Secrets of Bringing Out the Best in Your Wife. (1)
This will, in turn, make her want to go the extra mile for you whenever the opportunity presents itself. In case you have not started practicing this love way yet, please begin as soon as possible. It makes marriage a fulfilling experience.
“Anyone who honours you but disrespects your wife is a suspect and a hypocrite.”
9. Be enthusiastic about supporting her dreams, visions and aspirations.
If she is a career person, ensure you show interest in the progress of her professional work and her personal relationships. Always be prepared to stand by her when she faces pressure at work. She needs to know that you’ve got her back when work challenges overwhelm her, and this must be done deliberately. Whatever her field of endeavor, you need to consciously support her to succeed in it. Sometimes she may require your input in strategizing for maximum output in her craft. You need to challenge her to reach for the next levels in her career or business.
Related, Some Flirty Married Women Are Not Doing It Intentionally.
10. Be an example of a spiritual person to her to a high degree.
If she sees in you a man who fears God and takes God’s counsel and worship very seriously, she would want to do her best not to offend or displease her Maker too. A wife can’t strive to please her Lord and not be at her best in relating to her husband, children, and outsiders. Intentionally expose her to insightful biblical teachers who teach the scriptures with a balanced and Spirit-filled perspective. Teach her to learn to appreciate and apply the spiritual principles and thoughts that have shaped your life, career, business, ministry, and so on.
11. Make a lifelong commitment to treat her as your partner and your own body.
The word ‘partner’ in life partner means ‘part-owner,’ so your wife is intrinsically a part-owner of your being and life. As such, you cannot afford to treat her any less or in a discomforting manner.
As the scriptures say in Ephesians chapter five, a man who cherishes his wife cherishes his life (himself). Also, you need to understand that loving her sufficiently and unconditionally is a favor you are doing for yourself. So treat her with care and empathy. Always try to empathize with her. That way, you will truly be able to love her as your very own body.
12. Do little things for her that will remain indelible in her memory for a long time.
Until you learn to do little things for your spouse, the truth is that you may be judged as one not doing anything worthwhile. Some men believe they are doing so much for their wives because they provide physical and material comforts for them and the family, yet they wonder why their marriage is still not working and why their wives are still unhappy, not knowing that there are little things they are not practicing (and have ignored) that appeal much more to the soul and innermost being of women generally.
Little things like saying thank you occasionally for a meal well prepared and enjoyed are important. Little things like appreciating her each time she supports and ensures that the family’s financial obligations are met in a timely manner matter as well. Helping out in the kitchen sometimes, driving her to the market (even if she can drive), taking her out for a surprise lunch, purchasing her favorite snacks, fruits, or dresses without prior discussions, stopping by her office to say ‘hello,’ gisting with her at home, and showing concern for her sexual fulfillment are some of the little things proactive men do to bring out the best in their spouses as women, wives, and mothers.
From the foregoing, there is no doubt that a man, as well as his wife, both have roles to play to make their union work successfully.
Kindly like, share and drop your comment or question in the box provided below. Thank you.
CHECK THIS, You Can’t Wait This Long To Get It Wrong.
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Men Only: The Secrets to Bringing Out the Best in Your Wife. (1)
By Seyi Igunsabi.
It’s indeed a delight for me to pen down these thoughts and make them a message to my fellow males at this time. Of course, the reason is not far-fetched, as you will see in this write-up, which is an account of my own reality over fifteen years of marital experience and about twenty years of a relationship with the wife of my youth.
But before I highlight the points on how to bring out the best in your wife, I must remind all men reading this, particularly, that your wife cannot be at her best, and it will not improve your results. Now, this is an incontestable fact. This is one key point about prospering as a married man that many men have trivialized to their own detriment. Yes, I admit that it’s not child’s play for a man to do things that will inspire his wife to give her maximum output; but the good thing is that it’s profoundly gainful.
Also, I know from my encounters that the more you practice them, the easier they tend to become for you to do as the years go by in your marital union.
The Highlights:
1. Consciously study your wife as a person, her strengths, natural abilities, and her life/work interests.
Learn to celebrate her for all of these and continually encourage her to be her very best in this regard. Also, try to understand her weaknesses and what turns her off. Try to make up for her weaknesses and avoid those turn-off points. The best time to start this marital improvement discovery about your wife is during courtship and within the first few years of your marriage.
2. Intentionally accord her the highest honor and respect in your life, above all others, including friends, relatives, and colleagues.
Sometimes you will also have to put her before your work, business, or ministry (if you are a Minister of the Gospel).
“Your wife cannot be at her best, and it will not improve your results. Now, this is an incontestable fact.”
The joke is that occasionally you may even have to put her before yourself. Any woman who observes this in her husband will always go the extra mile to make her husband happy and fulfilled. This transpires naturally between my wife and me. Why? We understand these things and their immense benefits. Never give anyone, especially your siblings and parents, an ounce of opportunity to talk down to your wife.
3. Be open with her on all fronts.
I have said it again and again: “Openness is the best policy in marriage.” That is, live and do things in such a way that shows one hundred percent transparency and honesty from you to her. This trust must be unconditional. Try as much as possible not to hide anything from her. For example, I share with my wife when I begin to drop my guard with respect to the opposite sex – be it the workplace, business relationships, the neighborhood, or even in the church.
4. Seek her opinion on virtually all matters that pertain to the family, your economic pursuits, and even your personal life.
Everyone likes recognition, even God, our Maker. It does not matter if she occasionally suggests some weird or unworkable things to you; still, give her the place of an integral contributor or counselor in all your plans and decisions. This is very vital to your success as a married man and in all your worthwhile endeavors. Even when your wife appears to be a novice in some things, seeking her opinion in decision-making times will still count for you very well as a man. That is marriage as God intended.
5. Ensure that both of you have a common understanding of each other’s financial records, balances, and income at any given time.
This may sound like a tall order for many men of this generation, but it’s expedient. I am aware it’s not an easy task, but it is very possible and helpful. Once you are able to establish openness and oneness in your family and personal finances, transparency in almost any other area will be a walkover. The ripple effect of financial openness on other areas of a marital relationship is far-reaching.
6. Consciously use your actions and words to assure her that you’re her unrepentant protector and defender, especially before her in-laws.
Never take it lightly with anyone who attempts to hurt or take your wife for granted, even if they are close friends, relatives, or colleagues. This is naturally part of me, and I know my wife feels good and secure because of it. You are in the best position to shield your wife against any verbal or attitudinal abuse from relatives and friends.
©️ MAGI.
READ MORE, Men Only: The Secrets of Bringing Out the Best in Your Wife. (2)
READ ALSO, Dealing With Delayed Marriage.
13 Things Husbands Do That Make Their Wives’ Blood Boil.
Does this title startle you? It may, or it may not. But believe you me, I have seen, heard, and counseled a few ladies whose husbands heat up their blood…
