N3.6 million wedding crashed after one week: the concluding part of a true-life story shared earlier on this blog. A True Life Story. Jokingly, she protested; “You want me to…
After N3.6 million wedding, man leaves marriage. By Japheth Prosper. A true life as told by Japheth Prosper.Photo Credit: Alamy Stock Photo. Wedding plans started in earnest and the expenses…
In an earlier post during the week, I discussed some things that married men should be doing to help their wives live life to the fullest while making the most of their marital union.
Below is the concluding part of the write-up. I believe that any man who does these things will not be ashamed of his wife at all. Please read on.
The Rest Of The Highlights:
7. Don’t befriend or be close to anyone who shows disregard for your wife.
Anyone who honors you but disrespects your wife is a suspect and a hypocrite; he or she probably has a hidden agenda. In my parlance (Yoruba—a tribe in Nigeria), it is said that: ‘Whatever touches the eye will affect the nose.’ This applies to husband and wife too. However, I do understand that there may be one or two important personalities in your life who do not give due regard to your wife as they would ordinarily do to you. Although such actions are blameworthy, they may not be intentional. For such persons, I suggest you manage them rather than discard or estrange yourself from them altogether. However, over time, you must cleverly make them realize that your wife deserves as much honor as they give to you.
8. As occasions demand, make such sacrifices for her and your children that would often come across to her as a surprise.
That is, once in a while, go beyond the usual family life sacrifices and responsibilities. When this happens between a couple who understand each other, it is capable of restoring confidence in your wife, thereby making her realize that the relationship is worth its salt after all.
READ ALSO, Men Only: The Secrets of Bringing Out the Best in Your Wife. (1)
This will, in turn, make her want to go the extra mile for you whenever the opportunity presents itself. In case you have not started practicing this love way yet, please begin as soon as possible. It makes marriage a fulfilling experience.
“Anyone who honours you but disrespects your wife is a suspect and a hypocrite.”
9. Be enthusiastic about supporting her dreams, visions and aspirations.
If she is a career person, ensure you show interest in the progress of her professional work and her personal relationships. Always be prepared to stand by her when she faces pressure at work. She needs to know that you’ve got her back when work challenges overwhelm her, and this must be done deliberately. Whatever her field of endeavor, you need to consciously support her to succeed in it. Sometimes she may require your input in strategizing for maximum output in her craft. You need to challenge her to reach for the next levels in her career or business.
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10. Be an example of a spiritual person to her to a high degree.
If she sees in you a man who fears God and takes God’s counsel and worship very seriously, she would want to do her best not to offend or displease her Maker too. A wife can’t strive to please her Lord and not be at her best in relating to her husband, children, and outsiders. Intentionally expose her to insightful biblical teachers who teach the scriptures with a balanced and Spirit-filled perspective. Teach her to learn to appreciate and apply the spiritual principles and thoughts that have shaped your life, career, business, ministry, and so on.
11. Make a lifelong commitment to treat her as your partner and your own body.
The word ‘partner’ in life partner means ‘part-owner,’ so your wife is intrinsically a part-owner of your being and life. As such, you cannot afford to treat her any less or in a discomforting manner.
As the scriptures say in Ephesians chapter five, a man who cherishes his wife cherishes his life (himself). Also, you need to understand that loving her sufficiently and unconditionally is a favor you are doing for yourself. So treat her with care and empathy. Always try to empathize with her. That way, you will truly be able to love her as your very own body.
12. Do little things for her that will remain indelible in her memory for a long time.
Until you learn to do little things for your spouse, the truth is that you may be judged as one not doing anything worthwhile. Some men believe they are doing so much for their wives because they provide physical and material comforts for them and the family, yet they wonder why their marriage is still not working and why their wives are still unhappy, not knowing that there are little things they are not practicing (and have ignored) that appeal much more to the soul and innermost being of women generally.
Little things like saying thank you occasionally for a meal well prepared and enjoyed are important. Little things like appreciating her each time she supports and ensures that the family’s financial obligations are met in a timely manner matter as well. Helping out in the kitchen sometimes, driving her to the market (even if she can drive), taking her out for a surprise lunch, purchasing her favorite snacks, fruits, or dresses without prior discussions, stopping by her office to say ‘hello,’ gisting with her at home, and showing concern for her sexual fulfillment are some of the little things proactive men do to bring out the best in their spouses as women, wives, and mothers.
From the foregoing, there is no doubt that a man, as well as his wife, both have roles to play to make their union work successfully.
Kindly like, share and drop your comment or question in the box provided below. Thank you.
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By: Heather F. I am not the writer but this HITS ME HARD so I decided to put it up here. I am sure many christian women will…
By Seyi Igunsabi.
It’s indeed a delight for me to pen down these thoughts and make them a message to my fellow males at this time. Of course, the reason is not far-fetched, as you will see in this write-up, which is an account of my own reality over fifteen years of marital experience and about twenty years of a relationship with the wife of my youth.
But before I highlight the points on how to bring out the best in your wife, I must remind all men reading this, particularly, that your wife cannot be at her best, and it will not improve your results. Now, this is an incontestable fact. This is one key point about prospering as a married man that many men have trivialized to their own detriment. Yes, I admit that it’s not child’s play for a man to do things that will inspire his wife to give her maximum output; but the good thing is that it’s profoundly gainful.
Also, I know from my encounters that the more you practice them, the easier they tend to become for you to do as the years go by in your marital union.
The Highlights:
1. Consciously study your wife as a person, her strengths, natural abilities, and her life/work interests.
Learn to celebrate her for all of these and continually encourage her to be her very best in this regard. Also, try to understand her weaknesses and what turns her off. Try to make up for her weaknesses and avoid those turn-off points. The best time to start this marital improvement discovery about your wife is during courtship and within the first few years of your marriage.
2. Intentionally accord her the highest honor and respect in your life, above all others, including friends, relatives, and colleagues.
Sometimes you will also have to put her before your work, business, or ministry (if you are a Minister of the Gospel).
“Your wife cannot be at her best, and it will not improve your results. Now, this is an incontestable fact.”
The joke is that occasionally you may even have to put her before yourself. Any woman who observes this in her husband will always go the extra mile to make her husband happy and fulfilled. This transpires naturally between my wife and me. Why? We understand these things and their immense benefits. Never give anyone, especially your siblings and parents, an ounce of opportunity to talk down to your wife.
3. Be open with her on all fronts.
I have said it again and again: “Openness is the best policy in marriage.” That is, live and do things in such a way that shows one hundred percent transparency and honesty from you to her. This trust must be unconditional. Try as much as possible not to hide anything from her. For example, I share with my wife when I begin to drop my guard with respect to the opposite sex – be it the workplace, business relationships, the neighborhood, or even in the church.
4. Seek her opinion on virtually all matters that pertain to the family, your economic pursuits, and even your personal life.
Everyone likes recognition, even God, our Maker. It does not matter if she occasionally suggests some weird or unworkable things to you; still, give her the place of an integral contributor or counselor in all your plans and decisions. This is very vital to your success as a married man and in all your worthwhile endeavors. Even when your wife appears to be a novice in some things, seeking her opinion in decision-making times will still count for you very well as a man. That is marriage as God intended.
5. Ensure that both of you have a common understanding of each other’s financial records, balances, and income at any given time.
This may sound like a tall order for many men of this generation, but it’s expedient. I am aware it’s not an easy task, but it is very possible and helpful. Once you are able to establish openness and oneness in your family and personal finances, transparency in almost any other area will be a walkover. The ripple effect of financial openness on other areas of a marital relationship is far-reaching.
6. Consciously use your actions and words to assure her that you’re her unrepentant protector and defender, especially before her in-laws.
Never take it lightly with anyone who attempts to hurt or take your wife for granted, even if they are close friends, relatives, or colleagues. This is naturally part of me, and I know my wife feels good and secure because of it. You are in the best position to shield your wife against any verbal or attitudinal abuse from relatives and friends.
©️ MAGI.
READ MORE, Men Only: The Secrets of Bringing Out the Best in Your Wife. (2)
READ ALSO, Dealing With Delayed Marriage.
By Seyi Igunsabi.
I heard of this case from a very reliable source.
About five years ago, I was with a couple who happened to be my very close family friend. As we talked, my friend’s wife related this true life story to me. This happened to her distant friend, so it’s not a fiction or a tale.
The story goes thus:
This man’s wife has just had an ectopic pregnancy subsequent to two earlier miscarriages which she also suffered two years before. As at the time of this event they’ve been married for six years without a child.
For readers who do not know what an ectopic pregnancy is- it’s a situation whereby a baby grows outside the womb after the coupulation of the man’s spermatozoon and the woman’s egg.
So in most cases, if not all, it requires evacuation and it’s usually very painful, even life threatening.
His wife had hardly recovered from the emotional and physical traumas arising from the foetus evacuation when her father in-law died.
The story has it that the husband became bitter against the wife and expressed deep disappointment at that instance on the ground that his late father could not see his grandchild(ren) before his demise.
Of course, this was due to the fact that his wife miscarried twice and had an ectopic pregnancy just before the deceased Father in-law.
Now, can you believe this? What a world!
For me, this guy’s anger against his wife’s series of successive life threatening trauma sounds unbelievable to me, at the first hearing of it.
But you know what, that is what we get when ‘boys’ and immature ‘aged’ men go into the marriage institution. Like i have reiterated in virtually all my marriage seminars- “what a man does not know, he does not know.”
Just imagine the cause of his bitterness towards his own wife? Of course, it is clear that this guy does not know what marriage is all about yet he’s been married for six good years. Did I say: ‘Six good years’? Oh sorry, six questionable years.
I dare say: it is ignorance and an inhumane heart that would make any married man put up this kind of repugnant attitude towards his emotionally traumatised wife. A woman who just survived an ectopic pregnancy clearance following the loss of two pregnancies, she miscarried.
This fatal experience was more or less, a kind of natural occurrence in women. But the husband of this woman is not happy just because his father is now late, not because his wife lost her third pregnancy in six years and survived a near-death encounter.
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Do you know this guy can send his wife to an early grave with this kind of attitude? He definitely does not understand marriage at all and it’s intricate knowledge. Sincerely, I sympathise with any woman that is married to this kind of insensitive man.
So i advice, don’t settle for ignorant minds in relation to marriage matters and demands. When you are dating and courting, make sure you create discussion sessions with your potential spouse. Ask questions generally about life and marriage; then listen carefully to your prospective husband or wife’s views on vital issues of life.
Courtship is not a time to choose ‘aşo-ebi’ (uniform party wear) neither is it a period to merely get to know each others family relations and friends, no. Rather it is the time you do a candid relationship-check and ascertain if your peace and joy will be guaranteed in the marriage regardless accompanying challenges.
You should also check whether this person cares for you and about you above anyone else, because that is what marriage means.
For instance in the case in point above, the young man was supposed to care more about his own wife’s health status than he bemoaned his father’s death.
Hence, wisdom demands that one marries a person who has the basic knowledge of marriage as God intended from the beginning like one does.
May the Lord help you to choose an understanding partner that will be there for you in good and difficult times.
(Please like and press the share icon if you learnt something here).
Thank you.
©️ MAGI.
Read also, 13 Things Husbands Do That Make Their Wives’ Blood To Boil.
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Signs of a nagging wife
“It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious(nagging) woman.” Prov. 25:24.
1. She complains much more than she pays compliments where and when necessary. Therefore, fault-finding seems to be a delight for her, while praise for good work is more or less burdensome to her.
2.She suspects virtually all the moves of her husband, even the good ones, and this attitude negatively restricts him in numerous ways.
3. A nagging or demanding wife tends to be impatient. She desires to be accepted for her true self, yet she struggles to be tolerant of others, including her husband, his family, friends, and even coworkers.
4. She loves to be heard but she is not ready to reason with others. This is a domineering trait.
5. She takes pleasure in comparison, comparing herself with other women who look better than she does. Even if those women have paid a price she has not paid to attain that height, it’s not her business. In other words, she is competitive.
6. She also compares her husband to other men. That’s her method of showing resentment and disrespect toward her husband.
7. She gets angry easily over little things and belittle big and serious matters. The latter is also her tool of frustration.
8. She loves to control virtually everyone around her including her own husband.
And She can also be brutal if the worst situation demands it from her.
9. She is someone that separates friends and extended family members. She likes to jam heads and feelings of good people.
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10. She is more on a fast lane than allow time or divinity make certain things mature for her and her household.
11. She can go to any extent to become a dream killer and a destiny spoiler if her husband is not wise in relating with her.
12. She is always more vocal but less thoughtful. This means she is so loud that she could hardly make sense in her arguments from time to time.
14. She is not so much concerned about the progress of her family and husband like she is about her personal pleasures and goals.
15. She would rather choose to sit on the fence most times than show her decisiveness when it matters most. So this makes it easy for her to shift blames on her husband when certain actions boomerang.
16. A nagging wife expects so much from her husband and in-law, but gives back little or nothing in a like manner.
17. She dwells so much around offenses like a long term project. So she’s hardly able to forgive and bury the hatchet (in relation to her spouse).
18. She is more of an opponent to her hubby than a friend, supporter and co- builder of the family dreams.
Counsel: If you notice two, three or more of these traits in a lady you want to marry, you may have to think twice before you seal the deal.
And if you are already married and your wife displays them- you must seek counsel and prayers fast before things get out of hand.
©️ MAGI.
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