Today, a lot of marital unions hit the rock and break up due to fact that they have been subjected to emotional and psychological deficits in marriage. Unfortunately, the causes of deficit marriage are often winked at, especially by about-to-weds and young couples but the consequences are always inevitable.

Without mincing words, a majority of marital relationships we see around today are operated by persons who have come to realize that they don’t have what it takes to succeed in the marriage yet they still have to keep up with it.

This has led to serious marital, emotional and psychological trauma for a large number of couples and in my position, I have had the privilege of counseling a few of them within my reach. However, this is not God’s intention for marriage. The marriage God instituted was established to succeed and flourish. And despite the fall, God’s plan for marriage has not been reviewed; it is meant to be enjoyed at its best when the laid down principles are followed religiously. And this becomes a lot easier for those who trust in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ to do all things.

Now let me share with you a few things that cause Deficit Marriage.

1. Getting married out of desperation.

When people get married, especially mature ladies, out of the fear of being left behind or aging, they are prone to starting in marriage with the wrong life partner. And like I have often reiterated, marriage is not a competition. You don’t try to get married to catch up with some peeps rather you are supposed to marry to fulfill destiny. Moreover, marriage is a phase of life, when you are due, you will not be denied.

So getting married because you felt discouraged due to the advent of marital delay may expose you to the tendencies of a deficit conjugal life.

2. Superimposing emotions over conviction about one’s prospect.

Some people walk to the altar with persons they knew will make them miserable in a marriage. This is not a tale, it is happening in real life. I have encountered such persons. For some weird and non-objective reasons, they turn a blind eye to the character flaws of their prospect just to feel married. But not too long, the reality of a mistaken decision dawns on them and they start to wallow in regrets. If you get married just to feel married, when the feelings are gone; then you’ll become ‘single’ again and miserable in that marriage. Isn’t it? Now the interesting thing is that some of the victims of these emotion-driven unions even try to blame other people except themselves for their frustrating marital life.

3. Getting married without arming oneself with the relevant knowledge that makes marriage worthwhile.

Isn’t it comical that- pilots go to aviation school before they start flying planes, mechanics undergo training on vehicle engines and other machinery parts before they are certified to work as mechanics; doctors go through higher education studies and medical school before they are called to practice and so on. But marriage seems to be one very common venture people go into without acquiring relevant knowledge and skills. Of course, that is why many of them end up with a deficit marriage. Because what you don’t know, you don’t know.

4. Being selfish-driven in a marital union.

Selfishness is much cancerous to marriage as any organic cancer is to the physical body. No marriage can survive a selfish character. It is impossible to be selfish in a relationship that thrives on togetherness like marriage. This is the reason why selfish people should not get married because they can’t stay married with this kind of deficient trait (selfishness). Marriage is not a place where anyone would practice selfishness and get away with it. As a married person if you think of yourself alone and first all the time, you can not make a good marriage, talk more to sustain one.

READ THIS TOO, 10 Irrevocable Ways To Provoke Divine Blessings On Your Marriage And Family

5. Absence or scarcity of trust between a couple.

Perhaps nothing else hastens a deficit in a marital relationship than the lack of trust. That is why as a relationship coach, I usually warn the unmarried not to marry anyone they can not trust. Any marriage where trust is absent in considerable measure will run at a loss. Because trust in a marriage is like the heart of the union. If there is a problem with it, virtually every other thing in the marriage loses the capacity to work well. Where trust is lacking – fear, torment, uncertainty, and dubiousness subsist. And a union like marriage will not flourish under such an atmosphere of questionable value.

“And despite the fall, God’s plan for marriage has not been reviewed; it is meant to be enjoyed at its best when the laid down principles are followed religiously.”

6. The non-existence of definite life goals, dreams and vision as a couple.

The steam of togetherness goes out in some marriages because most times the husband and the wife have no definite goal and vision they want to pursue from the beginning of the union. So many young people get married for status’ sake and perhaps because of the pleasures in marriage. Marriage is more than fun, marriage is supposed to give you a sense of destiny as it were. So when you are making a choice, you don’t join yourself with somebody because they ‘slay’ in beauty or have some mouth-watering career life, rather you are to marry an individual that would facilitate your destiny. By divine guidance and your determination to fulfill destiny, you will know when your paths cross.

7. Upholding incongruent characters and attitude that hamper marital relationship success.

You can not give what you don’t have. No matter how an individual pretends to have the marriageable qualities, someday they will give themselves away for who they are, really. Their immaturity and unpreparedness will be exposed. However, it may be too late for the affected partner to do anything about it. There are thought patterns, mindsets, and maritally-inclined behaviours that make marriages flourish and robust. If you don’t know them, you can learn them. And if you don’t have them, you can imbibe them if you truly want to have a gainful connubial union. No marriage works on autopilot without individuals with auto-characters that enhance a healthy marital relationship.

©️ MAGI

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