When you first saw or read this title ‘The Fearless Marriage’, what came to your mind? Probably, you thought to yourself is there anything like – ‘A Fearful Marriage’? On the other hand, you could have thought- ”What exactly does a fearless marriage connote?

From the beginning marriage as God intended was meant to be a fearless and blissful union. That is, a union free of any torment or fear concerning one’s spouse or an ongoing relationship. Even the Bible says there is no fear in love; neither do you fear a trusted friend or spouse. But unfortunately, fear is the ruler of many relationships and marriages today. This accounts for the reason why many couples live together as though they are strangers and never stop suspecting one other’s moves.

Would you believe that there are intending couples who even go ahead to marry in absolute fear. This happens when a prospect feels much has been invested in the relationship, so to let it go just like that would be sort of scary to a mindset already prepared for a wedding. I know couples who have done this.

But the truth is: it is better to step out of a projected fearful marital union or relationship than to keep it and be emotionally torn apart for a long time or lifelong.

The word of God categorically states that fear is synonymous with torments and tortures.

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:19

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If you are single or you have an unmarried person who is in a fearful affair, please note this before you marry- “Any atmosphere of marriage that breeds fear in a couple will never allow them to maximize their togetherness.” If you are single and you can avoid it, please do fast. For instance, how many investors have fled the shores of Nigeria, the West African region, as a result of the fear of insecurity and bad governance? Quite many. No fearful environment can be adjudged productive and progressive. So it is with a fear dominated marriage or relationship.

A fearless marriage is not a gift neither is it a wish but an experience gained by sufficient understanding of marriage as God intended coupled with a determination to apply the truths about thriving in marriage. A fearless marriage is God’s will for all who seek His face in the journey to marriage. But sincerely, how many couples (Christian couples) are allowing the will of God to be done in their marriages by nurturing a union that is free of fear, intimidation and suspicion? No husband or wife can give their best to or be at their best in a marriage where fear is nursed against their spouse. Hence, fear in marriage limits a couple’s progress and accomplishments significantly.

One of the rewards of ensuring a Fearless Marriage is that it makes a couple boundless and limitless in terms of the progressive tendencies and opportunities available to them. This is true and how it comes about is certainly supernatural; this is my testimony for about twenty years of a sound marital relationship.

Below Are Some of The Peculiarities of a Fearless Marriage.

1. It is a marriage where trust overflows between the couple and in the marriage.

A fearless marriage abhors secrecy and double-dealing toward one’s spouse.
It is so safe to allow trust to flourish in your marital relationship no matter what it’ll cost you and your partner. It surely pays to do so. Trust is usually superfluous (present in a great measure) between couples who are having a fearless marriage, besides other obvious important criteria. Remember, you don’t fear whom you trust.

How is this come about?

i. The Fear of God must be resident in the couple increasingly. If you don’t fear God, then get ready to be afraid of your spouse.

ii. The couple must continuously see each other as one entity. There is no seniority or superiority in the marriage that God established; a husband and wife are ONE and as well equal. The man is the head for accountability and leadership not for bossing around or calling the shots.

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iii. They should be such that seek the best interest of each other with from pure heart. This still boils down to having the fear of God and keeping a good conscience towards each other. This is one attitude that has kept my relationship with my wife robust and fresh for almost two decades we met.

iv. Encourage openness in every way possible even in seemly little or very sensitive matters. Gen. 2:25, says marriage is a place of complete openness and nakedness (trust).

For example, you should be able to tell your spouse about someone whose fancy you are catching all of a sudden- either in church, at work, business environment, or in the neighbourhood. I do it as occasion demands to keep my trust channel free-flowing with my wife and to strengthen my defence against immoral appeals and insinuations.
There are spouses, men especially, who have shied away from this act of fearlessness (openness) and as a result, they became victims of extramarital affairs and strange immoral fellows. It is always better to cry out to your spouse without fear or feeling of condemnation than to crash out of your marital bliss out of timidity.

2. It is a marriage that encourages freedom of speech and expressions to a very high degree.

To be frank, this kind of freedom can be very challenging sometimes in a marriage union. I am saying this because of my personal experience with my spouse. However, it is perhaps one of the strongest safeguards that could prevent your marriage from being rocked in all-wise.

Please keep this in mind- if your spouse cannot tell you some truths about certain unsavoury behaviours and indicting actions you indulge in, then your marriage is fear-filled (fearful). And you would hardly make the best of it.

Freedom of speech and expressions in a conjugal union makes intimidation almost non-existent in a marital relationship. We even encourage freedom of speech from our children. This has helped my wife and me to raise a healthy and fearless family over time, just because we give our children listening ears.

For instance, my last child Efe, who is barely ten years old, told me one day that instead of rebuking drivers that engage in rough driving around me, I could just look on and ignore them because some of them usually expect the reaction. That statement touched me but since then I have applied it 60% of the time.

My wife speaks sense into my head like no one does and perhaps can ever do. She does more to me than I do to her. But we have been made better of by such candid talks.

3. It is a marriage where there is no winner or loser at any point in time even in the crisis period.

It’s amazing how some spouses try to score a goal against their partner especially in crisis moments. I have witnessed this many times concerning counsellees. What I noticed about such marriages while counselling is that either or both couple try to outdo each other in the initiation of hurtful feelings. This is a marital quagmire that well-meaning couples must avoid.

Unknown to a lot of couples that a goal against one’s spouse is also against oneself. The fact is you are both intrinsically and spiritually one. So whatever works for you works for your spouse and marriage and when it does not, it also affects you naturally. Some may find it difficult to admit this but it is an irresistible truth. It is either both win or all lose. This notion makes the atmosphere of marriage free of fear and hurts; which reduces marital conflict reasonably.

Please watch for the concluding part of this post. Thank you.

©️ MAGI

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