Marriage: the winning ways

by Seyi Igunsabi-Perez

Photo Credit: Shutterstock Photo

Marriage: the winning ways

In life, winning is everyone’s dream and desire. Frankly, no one wants to lose in any way or in anything; even those who commit atrocities wish to succeed at it. One area of life that I believe all well-meaning and purpose-driven individuals would like to win is marriage. The truth is that anyone who desires marriage or is already married must strive to win on the home front if such a person truly cherishes victory in other endeavors in life. The reason is that the effects of marriage are more all-encompassing than any other aspect of living.

Now, may I take you through the winning code I have learned over the years of marriage? These codes cut across all statuses, races, cultures, continents, social classes, and tribes.

1. Put God First in Your Marital Union.

This is a just and fundamental thing to do in order to succeed in marriage. The fact that marriage was His brainchild means you cannot make God the leader of your union and fail in marriage. Putting God first means that in all situations within your marriage, His counsel must come first and take precedence over all other opinions you may have as a couple, as well as those of anyone else.

2. Embrace the Mindset of a Winning Spouse (Couple).

The mind is the seat of power in life. It is primarily responsible for our actions and inactions. Until you win in your mind, you will continue to lack the capacity to win in the real world. Thoughts are so powerful that anything they focus on gets done somehow. Therefore, couples who want to live out the marriage of their dreams must be prepared to engage the power of will or the mind because of its transformative nature.

3. Believe in Each Other and Seek Each Other’s Interest to the Utmost.

Any couple that would make the most of marriage and family life must believe in each other and that they can thrive in marriage and life together. This act greatly encourages a couple to build a positive relationship and the marriage of their dreams. When your spouse realises how much you believe in him or her without prejudice, one effect this could have is that he or she will often want to surpass your expectations.

4. Avoid Third-Party Monsters.

This means that, as much as it depends on both of you, you should avoid overbearing third-party interference. The term ‘third party’ could very well refer to anyone, including your relatives, friends, neighbors, and possibly colleagues. However, sometimes even your children can fit into this ‘third party’ mold, which can cause a crack in the wall of your marriage if care is not taken. You just have to be wise to know where to draw the boundary lines for anyone trying to invade your marital privacy. Unchecked third-party interference can wreak havoc on your union. As a matter of principle, you should avoid discussing your spousal disagreements or your spouse’s excesses with anyone except a certified marriage counselor or pastor.

5. Never Undermine your Spiritual Life Devotions and Personal Relationship with God as Parties to a Marriage.

Marriage is more of a spiritual phenomenon than anything else. Create time to pray together as a couple and with the entire family. Your spirit needs to be lively for everything around you to receive life. Never compromise your time to dwell in His presence for anything, even church and ministry (if you are highly committed to the spread of the gospel). Remember, the God who instituted marriage is Spirit. So there will always be a dimension in God and a level of spirituality required to thrive in marriage.

SEE THIS TOO, 14 Marital Common Sense… Kept Away From Most Troubled couples.

6. Ensure You are Both Reasonably Productive.

Money solves many questions that often arise between a husband and a wife, I speak from experience. As a matter of fact, the majority of the grievances most couples experience in marriage and with respect to family financial commitments are money-related. So if both spouses have stable and reasonable financial income (not a rule though) winning is guaranteed on many fronts and conflict level is significantly reduced.

7. Be at Peace with Each Other as much as Possible.

You are expected to do this with understanding and determination. In the words of the Master (Jesus), a house divided against itself cannot stand. The absence of peace in the union and home impedes progress and blocks access to sound ideas that are capable of moving the family forward. When strife persists and is not resolved in good time, it also affects both personal effectiveness and career success. For instance, couples are not expected to allow their disagreements to last beyond twenty-four hours, notwithstanding their magnitude.

8. Be Fond of Each Other and Play Together.

In other words, consciously ease the tension in the atmosphere of your marriage and home through fun and playful attitudes and activities. Simple games, like making jokes out of each other’s words and actions, will do both of you a lot of good. Love is kind and not harsh, so learn to play together.

9. Don’t Give Occasion for Breach of Trust at Any Rate.

Trust is the bedrock for all relationships including viable love relationships. Any relationship where trust is found wanting is a disaster waiting to happen. Having trust in your partner sorts out many things that even money or status can hardly handle. And among other things, trust stems from the fear of God being the guide for all the actions and lifestyle of both couples. Joseph was a trusted person in Potiphar’s house on this basis.

Further, it is far better not to break trust than to break it and try to mend it.

10. Be Kind to Each Other Even if it Demands Occasional Sacrifices.

When you are kind to your spouse, you’d discover that it is better to be happy than to be right.

CHECK THIS, 20 Things Couples Do That Lead to Spousal Abuse.

Also, be kind to the people around you. It’s important that both of agree on acts of kindness you plan to show to your relations and outsiders. I strongly advise that a man or his wife shouldn’t show kindness independently especially if it’s a major one. I heard the story of a Christian lady who gifted one of the family cars while her husband was out of town. Her husband came back and asked the car to be withdrawn from the possessor. This was avoidable if his wife had conferred with her husband.

11. Never Watch The Fire Of Your Romance Go Dim.

Make sure you both bond emotionally and sexually regularly. Your busy work schedules or business engagements notwithstanding, you and your spouse must make time to attend to your personal sexual needs. This is good and healthy for your marriage and bodies. Your sexuality ought to be serviced from time to time because you’re in a covenant of marriage. It’s God’s way of helping you get intimate with your spouse physically and emotionally, strengthening the bond of love between the two of you. This also forms a strong premise for the accomplishment of your collective goals.

12. Never Try to be Independent of Each other.

Marriage does not thrive on independence but on interdependence. No marital relationship can really survive where a couple acts independently of themselves. They need each other to make marriage and family structures work. They each have significant contributions to make for their marriage to succeed. Marriage means husband and wife are one, and therein lies the strength and beauty of it. Unfortunately, the mentality of independence is what makes some spouses think it is easier to go’solo’ as a single parent at the slightest provocation, contrary to God’s original counsel for the institution. But when a couple embraces the concept of interdependence, the gains are immeasurable. ‘Interdependence’ and not ‘independence’ is the best relationship test for a winning marriage.

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©️ M.A.G.I