Winning the heart of a difficult mother-in-law is not as tedious as many women going into marriage have been made to believe. More often than not, the issue of the rift between most mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law is not as demanding as it is often portrayed.

My counselling experiences and observations of this peculiar relationship trend raise an interesting point. Most of the troubles between mothers and daughters-in-law seem to be fabricated due to mindset and distorted knowledge. Furthermore, a lack of knowledge about different relationship strata is another major cause of this avoidable conflict between both parties. It has gotten so bad that some Christian sisters even say they wouldn’t consider a brother whose mum is alive for a marriage proposal. This stance is wicked, misleading, and disappointing for any Spirit-filled and God-fearing lady, and it may backfire. I can also say with all authority that the major part of the fight that goes on between mothers and daughters-in-law is more preconceived than spontaneous.

If I were to be frank, I would say that the feud that ensues between these parties is avoidable and, in most cases, manageable. Though many mothers and daughters-in-law tend to be at loggerheads with each other, there are still those who are having a fun-filled time together by reason of marriage and have never been a threat to each other.

SEE ALSO, 23 Ways To Make Your Wife Feel Loved and Appreciated

By God’s grace, my wife exemplified this in the first 7yrs of our marriage before my mum passed away to glory 8yrs ago.
There was never a rift between my mum and wife all those years.
I mean not one I am aware of.
And I trust God and my wife’s understanding that even if my mum had lived for another 30yrs, they would probably not have been a threat to each other.
Understanding is vital in any venture of life including relationships. Also, I have many friends whose wives and mothers relate very well with all good intent. Let’s consider some biblical examples of daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law.
Ruth and Orpah: You will agree with me that Ruth and Orpah were women who exemplified the cordiality and intimacy that should exist between a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law to a high degree.
They loved their mother-in-law even after the demise of their husbands and were willing to return with her to Judah.

Ruth 1:14

“Then they lifted up their voices and wept again, and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth clung to her.” She took her mother-in-law as her mother and would go any length to give her succour. So do we wonder why Ruth became highly favoured and ended up Jesus’ great grandmother? Daughters-in-law must understand that when they ensure a cordial relationship with their mother-in-law, a lot of things happen in their favour, they gain more and enjoy the blessings of marriage than competing with them. Wisdom and understanding show that the status of a wife and the mother in the life of a man are dissimilar; so there is no basis for competition or comparison.

READ THIS, Help! I Love The Container But I Don’t Want The Content.

These days we hear people especially uninformed wives and mothers ask the question: who is more important in a man’s life: the wife or his mother?
For me, this mind-boggling question that is raised in so many quarters is needless, baseless and distracting. The reality is: none of them is more or less important than each other. They are both significant people in different ways and contexts. If only women generally would open their hearts to get understanding on this issue, we will have less feud between mothers-in-law and their daughter-in-law. A closer look at a man’s relationship with his wife and mother shows convincingly that they are far apart and parallel to each other.
In the extended family of the man, his mother is more important but in his immediate family, of course, his wife occupies a higher place and the chain continues like that with their female grandchildren and spouses etc. The only time a man’s mother will be comparable to his wife is if his mother can function in the same role as his wife in his family and life. For example, if he could marry his mother as his wife, have sex with her, bear children with her and announce to all and sundry that his mother is now his wife, then the comparison can begin.

Similarly, would a wife give birth to her husband in real terms (which is absolutely impossible) and be introduced as his physical mother in the streets? Of course not, therefore there is no ground for comparing her with his mother.
But since all these would not happen under a normal, sane and sound society, then a man’s wife should never be put side by side with his mother.

Seyi Igunsabi-Perez
(Family Life Practitioner, Relationship Manager, Marriage Counsellor & Seminar Facilitator)

☎️ 0701 020 0027, 0803 308 1837
📩 seyiigun4christ@gmail.com
magism@marriageasGodintended.com
Instagram @pstseyiperez
Twitter @pstseyiperez

©️ MAGI

READ MORE, How To Win The Heart of A Difficult Mother in- Law Forever (2)

CHECK THIS, 10 Signs Of A Love Predator.