Cheating in marriage - Marriage as God Intended

By Pastor Tokunbo Subuloluwa.

Problems in the marital relationship can also constitute risk factors for cheating.

Some of these include:

i) Domestic violence and emotional abuse.

ii) Emotional and/or physical disconnect

iii) Financial pressures

iv) Lack of communication

v) Lack of respect

vi) Low compatibility (people who married for the wrong reasons). Low compatibility can lead to a sense of “buyer’s remorse”, that is feeling of regret experienced after making a purchase, typically one regarded as unnecessary or extravagant.

WHAT ARE THE PRIMARY REASONS FOR CHEATING IN MARRIAGE?

With or without individual or marital risk factors there are several possible reasons for marital infidelity.
Underlying many of the reasons, however, lie a few threads. One is the role of unmet needs.
One partner may be incapable of fulfilling their partner’s needs, but far too often, those needs have not been expressed.
Marital Partners are not mind-readers!!!

Another is the lack of addressing problems directly. Running away from problems (conflict avoidance) rather than staying and addressing them is another crucial element when it comes to communication and commitment in marriage.

Some of the reasons cited as the cause for cheating may include:

A) UNHAPPINESS/ DISSATISFACTION

Dissatisfaction with the marriage either emotionally or sexually is common.
Marriage is work, and without mutual nurturing couples may grow apart.
A sexless marriage is often claimed as a reason for both men and women.

B) FEELING UNAPPRECIATED

Feeling undervalued or neglected can lead to infidelity.

When both partners work, women often carry the brunt of the housework and childcare.
In this case, the affair validates the person’s sense of worth.
On the flip side, however, feeling neglected may be related to unrealistic expectations of a partner rather than true neglect.

C) LACK OF COMMITMENT

People who are less committed to their relationship are more likely to cheat.

D) BOREDOM

Men and women looking for the thrill of the chase and the excitement of newfound love may be more likely to cheat.
Rather than trying to spice up their relationship with their partner, some claim their fling is a way to spice up their marriage.

Falling out of love is frequently cited as a reason for cheating
This may involve a lack of understanding of how love matures in marriage.

E) BODY IMAGE / AGING

You must have heard of stories of middle-aged men having an affair with women the age of their daughters, cheating may sometimes be a way for a man (or woman) to prove that they still “have it.”

Hand in hand with these thoughts, a spouse may cast blame for their indiscretions by claiming that their spouse has “let himself/herself go.

JUST FOR YOU, Whom You Marry Would Determine Your Destiny

F) REVENGE

If one partner has had an affair or has damaged the partner in some way, the offended partner may feel a need for revenge resulting in an affair.

SOME OTHER SUBTLE REASONS …..

i) INTERNET

Having an affair, especially an emotional affair, is much easier than in the past, and social media sites have been implicated in many affairs and divorces.
Internet infidelity or “online cheating” is still cheating, even if the two people never met face to face.

ii) OPPORTUNITY

Periods of absence, whether travelling for work or serving in the military provide greater opportunities for affairs to occur.

Absence allows a spouse to have an affair with little risk of being discovered or may lead to loneliness and resentment.

While a long-distance marriage is not ideal, there are ways to keep your marriage together when apart.

iii) NO OR POOR BOUNDARIES

Poor personal boundaries, or the limits we place on other people as to what we find acceptable or unacceptable, can also increase the chance that an affair will occur.

People who find it hard to say no (being “people pleasers”) may find themselves in an affair even if it wasn’t what they desired in the first place.

iv) PORNOGRAPHY

While its role in marital infidelity has been downplayed, pornography is dangerous to marriage and has been demonstrated to be a “gateway” for some people to crave fantasies with someone else. Unfortunately, pornography has become much more accessible to the internet in this generation of ours.

HOW SHOULD A CHEATED PARTNER COPE WITH CHEATING?

It is difficult … but not impossible. … with GOD, and willingness to make it work.

Mark 10:27
“And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible.”

Sometimes people have a suspicion that their spouse is cheating but don’t have any solid evidence.

While often the best approach in marriage is to be direct, you may wonder if it will cause more damage to ask directly. And, of course, the answer your spouse gives could either be the truth or a lie.

The best approach will vary for different couples, but if you’re concerned, it may be a good idea to look for some of the signs. Pray for wisdom to go about it.

Ecclesiastes 10:10
“If the iron be blunt, and he do not whet the edge, then must he put to more strength: but wisdom is profitable to direct.”

Proverbs 3:5-6
“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

AFTERMATH OF CHEATING: A CATALYST OR A CATASTROPHE?

Well, in some marriages, an affair is a sign that the marriage needs attention of both parties to finally face the problems that both parties are aware of but aren’t addressing. In this case, the issues are brought to the table for remedy… or it just tears the union apart the more.

It depends on the people involved… what they’ll make of it.

Other times a partner may simply see infidelity as an exit strategy—a way to end a marriage he or she wants out of. The choice is theirs.

READ THIS, How To Win The Heart of A Difficult Mother in- Law Forever (2)

Deuteronomy 30:19
“I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live:”

Be mindful of the fact that the decision you take today may trickle down generations after you.

Regardless of the underlying reason a spouse cheats, it can either devastate a marriage or be the catalyst for rebuilding it, depending upon how the infidelity is dealt with.

HOW TO OVERCOM INFIDELITY

Some couples can move past infidelity and move on to have even an even better relationship, whereas some just don’t know how to get pass it.

GOD is the ULTIMATE HEALER. Genuinely seek HIM for healing if you’re been hurt.

Exodus 15:26
“And said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the LORD that healeth thee.”

NEW ARTICLE, Maturity Prevents A Lot of Tortures In Marriage- Pastor (Mrs) Biola Okeke

Certainly, there are times when continuing a marriage may be something to greatly reconsider and pray about, especially if life is being threatened.

Before you analyze the specifics of the affair from your spouse’s perspective and look at why the affair occurred in terms of his or her needs, it’s important to look at your own needs.

This can be more challenging than it sounds, especially amidst the jealousy and anger. If you were the one who had an affair, there are several steps you can take if you hope to save your marriage.

Foremost you need to stop cheating and lying immediately and own your choice.

Acts 17:30
“And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent:”

Being patient and giving your spouse space is essential.

That doesn’t say it will work out immediately. It may not… but give it a try prayerfully. But without accepting full responsibility (not blaming or justifying your behavior) the chances will be low.

The chance that you can get past the affair depends on many factors, such as the reasons why it occurred, and the characteristics of both people in the marriage.

To truly understand and move forward, both partners will need to listen to the other (which can be extremely challenging in this setting), and not assume that their partner’s motivation or feelings would be the same as their own.
For those who decide to try and overcome infidelity, it appears that the mutual capacity to forgive and a strong commitment to the relationship are key.

FINAL WORD ….
There are many potential reasons for cheating, and marriage can be complicated at times … but … speaking directly, expressing your needs, practising forgiveness, and making a commitment to work on your marriage DAILY, are the best insurance plans to protect your marriage.

BROWSE THIS, 10 RELIABLE SIGNS THAT SHOW HE LOVES YOU!

Please follow and like us: