Winning the heart of a difficult mother-in-law could be adventurous for some daughters-in-law but it is always worth the effort.

As aforementioned in the first part of this article, sound knowledge informs one that there is no basis or reason for comparison between a man’s wife and his dear mother. Those who give in to this kind of comparison theory are either mischievous, misguided or at worst, ignorant. Imagine buying a tuber of yam in Nigeria for a thousand naira and the same goes for seven pounce (approx. N4,500 ) in England. Would you haggle the price with the seller in England while pointing to the fact that the same item is sold at one thousand naira in Nigeria? Of course not, because the basis for comparison is weird, absurd and non-existent. Similarly, comparing a daughter-in-law with her mother-in-law is as baseless and inciting as the example given above.

Hence, mothers-in-law should respect the unique role of their daughters-in-law and let them be. Likewise, daughters-in-law must honour their mothers-in-law as their mother and esteem them for their indisputable position as the earthly source of their spouse. Judith and Basemath:These two, on the other hand, were bad daughters-in-law to their parent’s in-law and they could not have expected better treatment from their mother-in-law.

Genesis 26:34
“When Esau was forty years old, he took as wives Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite.

Genesis 26:35
“And they were a GRIEF of mind to Isaac and Rebekah (mother-in-law).”

“They turned out to be thorns in the sides of Isaac and Rebekah.”_
Genesis 26:35 (The Message Bible)

This is still happening among us, daughters-in-law who grief their mothers-in-law, consciously or unconsciously, stand the risk of losing the blessings of their parents-in-law in their marriage. Let’s watch it!

HOW DOES A DAUGHTER IN-LAW WIN HER MOTHER IN-LAW’S HEART FOREVER?

1. Love her genuinely

The scriptures say: “Love covers a multitude of sins.” Even if seems your mother-in-law is working against you being a daughter-in-law, as a child of God learn to overcome her evil with good by loving despite her faults. Romans 12:19 “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Romans 12:20
Therefore, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.” If you would love her genuinely, you will not want to get back at her due to one or two unsavoury attitudes of hers. As a daughter-in-law, you are supposed to love her as your biological mother. Is she not even your mother anyway? You are one with your spouse, hence she is your mother in real terms.

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2. Honour her as your mother

Honour her by all means, not just as your mother-in-law but as a mother and an elder who has been good to you. We saw this attitude in Ruth which she displayed towards Naomi. It was profound and commendable. A woman who honours her mother-in-law will not think of drawing battle lines with her.
You don’t fight or hurt those you hold in high esteem. Do you? It is a biblical and blessed act to honour our parents and parents-in-law. Many homes and marriages are bereft of blessings and favour because of the feud (hidden and open) between daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law.

Honour her despite her faults, shortcomings and excesses; you will be blessed for it. I know at times, it is not easy with some overbearing mother-in-law but his grace is sufficient for you.

3. Avoid opposing her submissions

A wise woman would distance herself from the confrontational approach some wives adopt against their mother in-law in certain issues. If at all you don’t agree with her stance on some family matters, avoid being confrontational. Try not to oppose her in the presence of your husband’s siblings or anyone close to her because she will get to know about it somehow. Your husband alone is in the best position to do that on your behalf and his family; let him take the bullet for you. It does little or no harm to him being her son.

You don’t have to respond to your mother-in-law in a like manner when she sounds vindictive and disrespectful to you as her daughter in law. It’s of no use, she is your mother in law. She will most likely misinterpret your best response if it does not go down well with her.

4. Reason, don’t impose

Always endeavour to reason with your husband on the need to do things that will be in the best interest of your family before anyone else.
So don’t force your opinion on him especially if they are issues for consideration with regards to his extended family members.
This approach makes decision-making a lot easier if your partner is also knowledgeable about the concept of marriage as God intended, especially concerning priority in a marriage.

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5. Learn to empathize with your mother in law

This will make you not do to her what you will not do to your biological mother. Treat her as you would love to be treated by your son and daughter in law in the future; remember what goes around comes around. Occasionally, endeavour to look at things and situations from your mother inlaw’s perspective, perhaps you will be modest and more realistic in the way you respond and treat her. This attitude also helps wives to think positive about their mothers-in-law and expect the best from them.

6. Never draw a battle line with your motherin-law

It is the height of foolishness to stage a battle with your mother-in-law. I speak with all assurance, it is a battle in futility; YOU CAN NEVER WIN HER, the world is yet to record the first winner daughter-in-law in this regard.

Instead, always channel your grievances through your husband and make sure he fronts for you before them and protects your interest passionately and wholeheartedly. That is why I advise that you marry a knowledgeable man who knows his wife and family comes before every other person on earth. The only way a wife can stand a chance with in-laws in this part of the world is to have her husband in front of any battle; otherwise, defeat is guaranteed.

7. Be Spiritual

Be a daughter-in-law who knows how to do warfare on the knees and takes all things to God in prayer including troublesome mother-in-law. Trying to give trouble to a supposed trouble maker will only multiply troubles in the sphere. A lot of things have spiritual undertones, our responsibility is to discern and attack the spiritual root. Remember, as spiritual people, the weapon of our warfare is not carnal but mighty through God.

It is also important to note that some issues that come up between mother and daughter in law are not ordinary. Hence they do not require physical strength but spiritual attention and meditation. No wife who does these aforementioned guidelines that will not thrive with her mother-in-law and enjoy good marriage with her husband.

Seyi Igunsabi-Perez
(Family Life Practitioner, Relationship Manager, Marriage Counsellor & Seminar Facilitator)

Tel: 0701 020 0027, 0803 308 1837
email: seyiigun4christ@gmail.com
magism@marriageasGodintended.com
Instagram: @pstseyiperez
Twitter: @pstseyiperez
©️ MAGI

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