The complexity of a relationship can be very overwhelming sometimes, especially if it has to do with those who should know how to act better. This story was told to me by the abandoned fiancée, Simi (a name adopted for this write-up), who gave permission to blog about this post, perhaps so that some youths will be able to learn one or two lessons from it. Thanks to God, Simi herself is happily married now, so she has put the disappointment behind her.

Simi and Jairo (name adopted for this purpose), a Sunday school teacher, met in a very popular church denomination in Lagos where they were both church workers. From the outset, Simi had cause to suspect Jairo’s commitment to their relationship due to one or two allegations from a third party (a lady) and owing to certain steps he took as a single man while they were going out.

The relationship lasted for almost two years before the picture began to become clearer. Firstly, Simi observed Jairo’s suspicious attitude when he started cutting her off from his itinerary. He would travel outside the state and return without informing his fiancée or providing her with first-hand knowledge of the trip. Around the same time, he acted indiscreetly in their local church, and the church authorities tried to correct him, but he became incorrigible towards them. In fact, he stopped attending church from that period. It was at this point that Simi came to me for counseling.

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I counselled her as expected and told her the implications of Jairo’s actions during that period. I also pointed out one or two of her own shortcomings, which she admitted. Two months later, our paths crossed, and while we exchanged pleasantries, I asked about the state of their courtship, and to my shock, she said, ‘Jairo got married a week ago.’ I was somewhat taken aback by this information. Then it became clear to me that Simi was actually fortunate not to have tied the knot with Jairo after all.

I suppose that after my counseling session with her, she had to put her foot down on certain issues that bother on the continuity of their relationship in a healthy way. Following this, since they could not reach a compromise, they had to go their separate ways. And just two months later, Jairo was set to wed another lady. Can someone believe this? But alas, it’s real. What a world of relationships!

Had Simi insisted on marrying Jairo while overlooking his obvious worrisome shortcomings, it is certain that she would have had a terrible experience at the hands of her supposed husband-to-be, Jairo. From the foregoing, it is safe to say that Jairo was a double dealer and an unfocused man. Now, the truth is that any woman who marries him is not guaranteed safety and peace in that marriage.

Therefore, my advice to young people as lessons to take home from this true-life story is that it is never too late to make a u-turn from a relationship that makes you so uncomfortable and unsettled in your mind.
Furthermore, never keep quiet about a relationship that is toxic and tends to be unhealthy due to inconsistency with the principles of a viable relationship or courtship; rather, seek the help of a true and objective marriage counselor. By doing so, you might just be saving yourself from a marriage filled with sorrow and regrets.

©️ Seyi Igunsabi for MAGI

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